The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
05/12/11
The question mark in the title says it all. The story is extremely well written; gripping and descriptive, it drew me right in to the dramatic finish. Great job!
05/14/11
You have encapsulated so much emotion and reflection with so few weords in a very powerful message. Well done.
05/15/11
You did a fabulous job of keeping us in suspense about what was going on - and that last line is FABULOUS. Great ending :)
This was a really outstanding piece. I was so afraid the mc was going to pull a mean prank. It really makes the reader wonder what would happen next. Only one suggestion. Since the mc wasn't the narrator, you would probably say "he checked for what seemed to him the millionth time."
You built up suspense that keeps the reader engaged to the very end. I like the fact that the MC believes it's the right thing to do and unselfishly acts in a courageous manner.
05/17/11
Excellent piece! First the suspense, then the build-up, and finally the climax.
This is great. I like the question mark in the title. As a parent, I'd have mixed feelings if my child did this. I was right in the room with Zach and the butterflies were Glancing in my stomach too.

The main red ink I have is I want to know why Coach was asked to resign.

All in all this was masterfully written and I was holding onto every word.
Sorry about my red ink I do see where you mentioned they thought he was too old, but it didn't register in my brain right away that his age was the reason to resign. It's so sad in our society that we don't treat older people with the respect they deserve. We should be begging them for their wisdom. Again sorry that it didn't click at first. Outstanding job!
05/18/11
good story i was wondering What was going on and puzzling it out as you built up the momentum.I wonder why he was the one to get up and make the speech?
i love the picture of the pile of diplomas slipping to the floor.. people power :-)
Congratulations on placing 7th in your level and 12th overall!