I wish we were having this conversation face to face. There is so much I want to say to you, but you only seem to pay attention when creative writing is involved. I am not (and you know this better than anyone) a writer. Unfortunately, I have a few raw feelings I need to cope with somehow. So…
Yesterday was our 25th anniversary. I know, you have stopped reading long enough to check the calendar. Believe me, it was yesterday. I never mentioned it because you had a writing deadline to worry about. Deadlines are always more important than anything else… you have told me that all too frequently. I still thought you should know you missed something that was important to me.
Since you were so busy I decided to spend our anniversary making a list of good feelings and bad feelings that I have held in my heart about our relationship for far too long. I may have been influenced by my one-sided-anniversary broken heart but it amazed me how long the bad feeling list became. The good side was too short to mention, but, like I said, I may have been influenced. Anyway, let me share the longer list with you.
1. It irritates me to spend hours preparing a hot, healthy meal for you only to be told you aren’t hungry because you are in the middle of “a moment”. Your “moments” seem to never end. I wait for hours to finally feed you warmed up, second grade food that would have been so good if only you could have walked away from your writing.
2. The room we share for your writing and my sewing barely has room for a thimble anymore. I’ll not go into details but be aware that the room wasn’t made crowded by anything related to sewing.
3. For the last several years you seem to have a one-track brain about where I might enjoy going for vacation. Let me give you a hint: I don’t enjoy writer’s conventions. You do.
4. I spend evening after evening after evening sitting in the living room alone, wishing you were beside me. I so desperately want to share with you about how my life went that day. You are too busy, though, sharing your own life with the world so I understand why you don’t have time for my life. Well…. No… come to think of it, I don’t understand.
John, this list is only the short version. I choose to stop because my heart can’t take anymore. I’m going to make a final decision about us after you give me a response to this letter.
Your wife, Kate
My Dear Star-lit Rose,
Not a moment passes that does not find your image planted firmly in my heart and soul. Indeed, my heart flutters uncontrollably at the very thought of you. You are the food my being longs for, the nourishment that sustains my existence. What is a missed dinner by comparison? Food… only food. Give me a drink of your beauty and I’ll have no need for food.
Gladly would I empty our shared room to give you a place for your thimble, but at what cost? The files I have gathered are bits and pieces of our lives together. Can such a thing be lightly tossed aside?
Your vacation concerns leaves me without defense. Would you prefer Hawaii? The Island of Romance would benefit from the presence of a flower such as yourself. It is only coincidence that there is also a conference that would be, at best, only a second rate event compared to you.
As to your long evenings in the living room alone… please understand what has happened at those times. I am not, as you suggested, sharing my life with the world; I am sharing you. Darling, you are my treasure in life. Without you I would have no reason to write.
I am but a fool with only words to offer. What words would show you the depths of my love for you? Alas, no such words exist.
See? That is why I can’t help loving you. You have such a way with words, it just turns a girl’s head… and her heart. I know now that I could never leave you because I love you so much. But, Johnny, I hope you understand… loving a writer ain’t easy.
P.S. By the way you still didn’t mention our anniversary.
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