The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
04/16/09
I like this POV. I can't even imagine the weight of responsibility on our men.
04/16/09
I agree with Laury. Its a great reminder of the trials they struggle through. I was right there with the MC and didn't realize until the end that it was the husband. Excellent writing.
04/18/09
Lovely contrast between hot and cold near the end.
04/19/09
Beautifully written slice of life--very touching.
I like the pace of this entry. You kept me moving right along with the MC as you revealed his inner dialogue.
I loved your beautiful contrasting pictures of cold and hot. You did a great job of characterization through your mc's thoughts.
This was so neat. Made me want to know more about this man and woman. Well-written.
04/22/09
Excellent portrayal of the bitter cold and the despair within the man's heart.
For me the weakness was that the turn-around seemed to come too quickly and suddenly. There wasn't much indication of how long he'd been walking away before he turned around, but it didn't feel very long. Maybe putting in a scene about him sitting on a wall watching the moon set? Or he meets a crisis in his walk that brings him to his senses?
The loveliness of his wife contrasted beautifully with the harshness that went before. The tropical flower was the perfect image.
04/23/09
Yvonne, I hadn't had a chance to read this before, but I want to tell you that I think this is a beautiful piece of writing. It is very descriptive and invokes deep emotion. Well done.