Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  

Win A Publishing Package HERE            

The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Up and Down (04/02/09)

TITLE: Not Amused
By Karen Wilber
04/05/09


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 SEND ARTICLE TO A FRIEND
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

For a moment I think I’m dead. Light flickering through a hazy tunnel reveals a white oval surrounded by a field of khaki. The oval contains an inscription, which my brain slowly deciphers to read “Kevin”. Nametags? In heaven?

“It’s alright. I think she just fainted.”

Whoever “Kevin” is, his voice carries a comforting air of authority. Two small forms enter my line of vision.

“Aunt Kathy, are you OK?”

It occurs to me that, as they are above me, I must be down. Down where? A firmness beneath my back confirms what I’d begun to suspect. I am flat on the ground, except for my feet which are pointing toward the sky. How did I get here?

Then I remember.

My sister’s family was visiting me for spring vacation. My two nephews arrived primed to go to an amusement park.

“We wanna ride roller coasters.”

I hadn’t anticipated this. The last time they came their tastes ran to the merry-go-round and petting zoo. Surely they didn’t mean the big coasters--ones whose names contained words like “scream” and “doom”. We collected our sunscreen, cameras, and credit cards and drove to the nearest theme park. It was coasters they wanted, and this park had them in spades.

Minutes (or was it hours?) before I found myself splayed on the ground, we stood in front of a twisted behemoth that resembled a child’s discarded Slinky. Enormous loops of tangled metal lay scattered on the ground as a steel beast slung screaming passengers along its crooked spine.

“Are you sure about this?” my voice squeaked. I regretted not having made a will. They were resolute.

“C’mon Aunt Kathy. Ride with us.”

Fearing the loss of my “cool aunt” status, I climbed into the claws of the steel beast and it embraced me with a large black safety bar. A pimply-faced attendant strode down the rows of passengers checking the harness. My eyes implored him to fabricate some reason why this journey could not commence. He walked on, unmoved, clearly in cahoots with the beast.

With a jolt the creature began its slow ascent, carrying us upward as a votive offering to its fiendish god. We rose toward the sky, the slow mechanical ticking of the monster’s heart counting down the seconds until our death.

“Woohoo--this is gonna be great!”

The park receded beneath us. Packs of gawkers waited below for the anguished screams of terrified passengers. My sister stood among them, pregnant with her third child. A large warning sign at the coaster’s entrance listed pregnancy as one of the conditions excusing riders. There was no exclusion for cowardice.

“Look, there’s mom!”

I looked down. Strangely, looking down does not bother me. I can bear to look down at the beetle-like people scurrying about. But I cannot look up. Up into the vast blue nothing. Up where there is no point of reference. I fear falling up. I’m certain that only the safety bar prevents me from tumbling upward into the sky.

Then--silence. The beast’s heart ceased ticking as he turned on his track and I saw the distant high rise buildings of the city low on the horizon. My heart raced into my throat with a rush of blood, beating out the screams surging through my lungs. My mouth opened wide in terror, but nothing came out.

It truly was all downhill from there.

The beast plummeted toward the earth, free-falling toward annihilation. At the final moment, he rose sharply toward the right and the ground rushed by my head. We spiraled up. Then down again. Where am I? The beast writhed in torment. The scream, which had been fighting its way up my throat, finally emerged as we hissed to a stop in the station from whence our journey began. A line of fresh victims waited impatiently.

“Let’s ride it again!”

Satiated for the moment, the beast released me from its grasp and I staggered toward the exit. Relieved by its return to the ground, my body did the only thing that seemed to make sense at the time. It fainted.

“Maybe your aunt shouldn't ride this again.”

I gaze up at my newfound friend. Wise counsel, dear Kevin.

My nephews flank me as they assure the oval name-tagged attendant of our intentions. Taking one elbow apiece, they escort me toward gentler pursuits. Above us the beast roars, clutching new prey. Amusement my foot. I breathe freedom in great gulps.


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 862 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Verna Cole Mitchell 04/09/09
Your story has great descriptions and a marvelous voice.
Carolyn Crook04/10/09
Cute story. I loved the title; it conveys a feeling shared by many!
Jim McWhinnie 04/10/09
Delightful piece filled with playful charm. Truly enjoyable.
Betty Castleberry04/15/09
Your MC is more brave than I would have been. You wouldn't have gotten me on "the beast.

I love this line :

"I regretted not having made a will."

Also love, "Amusement my foot."

This was very entertaining.
LauraLee Shaw04/16/09
I LOVE this piece. Your voice is perfect, and the title lends itself to it. Well done!
Myrna Noyes04/16/09
I LOVED this! It made me laugh!! :D Your descriptions were TERRIFIC, and I especially liked this part: "With a jolt the creature began its slow ascent, carrying us upward as a votive offering to its fiendish god. We rose toward the sky, the slow mechanical ticking of the monster’s heart counting down the seconds until our death." The ending was great, too! CONGRATULATIONS on your richly-deserved EC win!! :)
Laury Hubrich 04/16/09
Great descriptions - good enough to warrant me to NEVER ever ride another roller coaster again in my life! Congratulations on your EC!!!
Beth LaBuff 04/16/09
Love your title in connection with your story! Excellent writing! Congrats on your EC!!
Joshua Janoski04/16/09
I love your descriptions of the coaster. You truly make the reader feel like it is an actual monster swallowing up its victims. This was very deserving of its EC win. The descriptions in this were great.
Rachel Rudd04/18/09
I just finally got around to reading this today. This is great! I had the thought of a roller coaster cross my mind when I thought about up and down, but you did this SO SO SO much better than I could. Wow! Your descriptions are so vivid and you give new understanding to those who are afraid of roller coasters. Congratulations on your win, you deserve it!