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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Christmas Lights (10/30/08)

TITLE: Forgive Her Trespasses
By Beth LaBuff


A couple – married forty years,
The secret to their bliss?
Through the house and down the hall
An unseen line exists.

Two rooms were separated by
This line of demarcation
One chamber “his,” the other “hers”
For spousal isolation.

In her room, a rocking chair
With cushioned floral print.
A knitting basket perched nearby
With yarns of pastel tint.

In his room, a den of sorts,
And homage to his passions,
Where guns and mounted trophy heads
Were tributes of his actions.

She had, while settled in her chair
Resplendent inspiration—
Clandestine entrance to his room
For Yuletide decoration.

She hauled her stash of trimmings
To his hallowed, leathered lair.
Strands and strings of blinking lights
While he was unaware.

His south wall held a mounted bass,
Hung from its mouth, a lure.
She held a bauble to its fin
And tied it there, secure.

Great Uncle Albert’s picture hung
Next to the baubled bass –
She added chaser lights that lit-up
Clockwise round the glass.

She turned around then gazed upon
The wall that bordered east
Where smack dab in the center
Was a shoulder-mounted beast.

The beast was angled oddly,
His head wrenched, facing south.
She lit a Christmas candle
And placed it in his mouth.

The north wall held a bird in-flight
From Canada – a goose.
The goose-in-flight was wall-mates with
A mammoth head of moose.

Then up above, the light fixture,
Were cast-offs from some deer,
She hung some blinking snowflakes
From the antler chandelier.

Extension cords hid ‘neath a hide
Of pronghorn mammal fur.
She plugged the cord with three prongs in
A two-prong adapter.

Wrapped in the Yule moment,
A decorating whirlwind,
Multitudes of Christmas lights
Plugged end to end to end…

And still, she kept on adding lights—
Obsessed, compulsive urge.
Until the lights blinked off, then on—
Electric power’s surge.

AC/DC, watts, and amps,
Ungoverned energy,
By adding more the room maintained
High-powered synergy.

Finally, the last beast had been graced
With bulbs and decoration.
Back stealthily, she crossed the line
To gender segregation.

Expectancy for his return,
Excitement on her face,
She thought she heard a tiny “pop”
Perhaps … the fireplace?

A beep began to issue from
The sensor on the wall.
Smoke seethed from underneath the door
Then spewed into the hall.

Aghast, she peered across to see
Her husband’s char-broiled shotgun.
Who knew the room’s propensity? —
Spontaneous combustion!

The print of Uncle Albert
Shot high into the air.
It then became impaled upon
The antler chandelier.

The north wall saw excessive heat.
The goose – incinerated.
And on the floor a pile of ash,
Ill-fated moose — cremated.

With fried bass on the south wall,
She then rotated east—
Shocked electrocution of
The shoulder-mounted beast.

The leaning candle in the mouth,
That had been left ajar,
Made the beast appear like he
Was smoking a cigar.

They planned on eating out that night,
Cheeseburgers with some fries,
Instead, they opted to stay home.
For “Bar-B-Q Surprise”.

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This article has been read 1692 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Amanda Ewing11/06/08
hahahaha. loved it!!!! (:

all that work she did... perhaps just the fireplace??

Sometimes the more time we put into things, turns on us, and makes us regret doing something a little simpler, huh?

Verna Cole Mitchell 11/06/08
I laughed out loud at the pictures you showed of the husband's room. Cleverly done.
Charla Diehl 11/06/08
What a clever, humorous entertaining poem. You painted pictures in my mind from beginning to end. LOL. I think I know who the author might be. Hope to see this on the EC list.
Scott Sheets11/07/08
Great rhyme, meter, and a riot of story line. Excellent Job!
Sally Hanan11/07/08
Hilarious. This should be a scene in a movie. :)
Joanne Sher 11/08/08
Oh my! Just excellent in its humor and and creative word selection and imagery. I giggled from beginning to end! (And laughed hard quite a few times!)
Dianne Janak11/08/08
This had me laughing.. and guessing who wrote this delightful piece.. how on earth do you think up these wonderfully creative stories?
Joy Faire Stewart11/09/08
What a delight! Love the humor and vivid details. Excellent job.
Sharlyn Guthrie11/09/08
Wow! This is so funny and entertaining!
Sharon Kane11/11/08
This was a hoot! I did think it all sounded a bit of a fire risk, but I thought the sparks would fly between the husband and wife, not around the house! Very imaginative writing.
Celeste Ammirata11/12/08
This is funny. Your descriptions put me right there in that room. Great job!
Stephanie Craig11/12/08
I am not usually a fan of poetry but I was hooked the entire way. Good job.
T. F. Chezum11/12/08
Very fun read. Great rhyme and meter.
Joshua Janoski11/12/08
People tell me that I can write humor, but I sure can't write it in such an eloquent way. This is a masterpiece! Loved every line! :)
Joy Faire Stewart11/13/08
Congratulations on your 1st place EC win. Love this fun poem!
Sharlyn Guthrie11/13/08
Congratulations, Beth! It's great seeing your name in "lights" :D -especially at the very top!
LauraLee Shaw11/13/08
Oh my, to be inside your head for one hour!!! I would be brilliant!!!!

Congratulations on 1st place. This is one of the most incredible and hilarious poems I've ever read!
Verna Cole Mitchell 11/13/08
Congratulations twice, Sparkly Sister, once each for separate first places! You brought lots of laughter and fun this week! Love, Verna
Debbie Roome 11/13/08
This is excellent...and so creative. Well done on your first place.
Beverly Caviness11/13/08
Great Job for my Master Poet, She has always had a way with words. I'm so excited for her.
Kenn Allan11/13/08
Too Cool! Congratulations!
Laury Hubrich 11/13/08
How funny! Congratulations on a FANTASTICALLY creative piece! Wowsa! (And remind me to never ever never eat at your house! ROFL!)
Catrina Bradley 11/13/08
What a rollicking good read! The words tripped off my tongue. Congrats, Beth.
Angela M. Baker-Bridge11/13/08
Pure genius...congratulations!
Kristen Hester11/13/08
Congratulations on your win! This is such fun! Great job!
Yvonne Blake 11/14/08
Hee,hee...love it, Beffy!
Dee Yoder 11/14/08
Classic and wonderful "Beth" poetry! Love this Beth, and the humor made my day...You are beyond clever with your poetry--more like genius! (And I'm not just saying that 'cause you're my sistah!)
Diana Dart 11/14/08
Truly fantastic - wow! I couldn't read it out loud for all my chuckles and hoots!
Chrissi Dunn11/16/08
You described the chaos in such detail - very funny!
Jacquelyn Sturge11/26/08
Lol, I really had a good laugh this morning.. This was a beautiful and very descriptive poem, Such imagery! Loved every bit of it..
Charla Diehl 12/06/08
Beth, I knew this was your witty writing. Big congrats on placing top overall and also in your level. Again, thanks for this humorous poem.
Kingdom Citizen01/24/09