The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/31/08
So poignant. Your stream-of-consciousness is masterfully done, and that last line is perfect. This choked me up.
08/02/08
I liked the title... During the whole first paragraph, you had me guessing who was talking and why they were thirsty. I liked how they got distracted and then pulled them back to the thought of wanting to ask for water.
It might have been stronger if you put the last line even closer to the stream of thought.
Well done.
08/04/08
Ahhh, this was so touching and sad. And an AWESOME title. Great job!
08/04/08
Great "mind-sight." Well done.
08/04/08
Good job in the opening paragraphs capturing the frantic pace of trying to hang on to a thought. This was touching and sad and happy all rolled into one.
The first paragraph pulled me into the story. I didn't see were it was leading and was surprised. Excellent writing with great details.
We recently had to put our mom in an assisted living facility; and from the stories Mom is telling, the memories, the mistaken identities, is so right on that it makes this a bittersweet piece for me. So well done.
You captured the essence of concentration, when concentration is slipping away, eloquently.
08/06/08
Very good! I could relate to this story, having worked in an extended care hospital a long time ago. It is pathetic, how the mind has to deteriorate in old age. I WAS relieved, though, when I read on in the story that it wasn't what I first thought the story was about. I thought it was a cry from the "beyond" from someone who had rejected Christ's gift of salvation, and was crying out for water, like the rich man who appealed to Lazareth, in a N.T. story...Good writing...Enjoyed it...Helen
I can't help but think its a bit of a kindness that those who can no longer remember don't even seem to know they can't remember. I've been encountering a number of those sweet people lately in my mother's home; she being one of them. Thanks for the wonderful, though bittersweet take on this. A big Congratulations on your EC. Most definitely deserved!
Yeah! So glad to see this place...it has such a universal message. Congratulations, Catrina. Loren
08/07/08
Love your story Catrina. Congrats on your EC!
08/08/08
Simply amazing how you worked in so many details about Miss Ruby's past from her thoughts, and very realistic dialogue between Nathan and Ruby at the conclusion. Nice writing, congrats on the EC.
08/19/08
I really liked this entry. Very nice writing, Cat!