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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: The Family Pet (05/15/08)

TITLE: Why I Veto An Open Door Policy
By Mariane Holbrook
05/18/08


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‘Twas just a sunny afternoon, no different from the others;
I’d rather have been swimming, if I could have had my druthers.
The heat was so oppressive as John wiped off his last golf club
That all my body begged for was a soaking in my bathtub.

We had a little cockapoo, so different from the others;
Part cocker spaniel mixed with poodle, same breed as my brother’s.
His dog was just the cutest thing, so I saved all my money.
The sale price called for so much cash, it wasn’t even funny.

We named our puppy Missy and she hit the ground a-running.
This little ball of fur was both adorable and cunning.
She loved to chew John’s underwear til they were torn and tattered.
John scolded til his face turned blue, not that it really mattered.

So, on this hot and humid day, I climbed into my bathtub.
I couldn’t wait to soak awhile then have a hearty back rub.
I heard John in the kitchen getting ice out from the ice tray;
He usually had a Pepsi and I hoped he’d bring one my way.

I heard him yell, “I’ll be right back. I’m headed for the drug store.”
I listened for both doors to shut but only heard the screen door.
“Oh, rats!” I murmured to myself for this was unexpected.
“I’d better go and lock the door; I feel so unprotected.”

I draped a towel around myself while Missy danced around me.
She thought it was a game we’d played since she was just a baby.
As I approached the kitchen door and reached across to close it,
My darling dog pulled off my towel and ran with it, that bandit.

I froze, cemented to the spot; no thought of an escape plan,
For standing three feet from me stood our favorite UPS man.
I willed myself to move but I was gripped by dire confusion;
He turned so pale I wondered if he’d need a blood transfusion.

I leaped back from the door, ashamed of what I’d gotten into,
And asked the frightened older man, “Sir, how much do I owe you?”
He dropped the package on the step, and sprinted down the driveway.
The only thing on this man’s mind was, “How can I get sick pay?”

I tried to reach him after that but heard he’d been committed.
I wanted to explain to him but I was not permitted.
I didn’t spank my doggy and I didn’t make her holler.
I picked her up and held her close, then took off her flea collar.


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This article has been read 754 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Joanne Sher 05/22/08
Clever title, and a delightful, silly piece. Definitely did NOT anticipate where this one was going. Fun!
Lynda Schultz 05/22/08
Hilarious (not, of course, for either the naked lady or the UPS man).
Helen Dowd 05/22/08
Oh, this was SO funny. Is that you again, M? Sounds like it...You are so talented. It seems you have a rhyme for every occasion....Great stuff! I loved it. Helen
Laury Hubrich 05/24/08
This was too too funny! Thanks for such an enjoyable read!
Laury
Verna Cole Mitchell 05/24/08
Delightfully funny poem with a wonderful story. Only someone very clever could think of a last line like this one!
Dee Yoder 05/25/08
Hee-hee! So funny and cute-very bad puppy, though. Poor Mr. UPS man...what terrible damage was done that day. Thanks for the laugh and the marvelous romp through poetry-land again!
Linda Watson Owen05/26/08
HAHAHA! ROFL! What a hoot! SOOO funny! (and sooo skillfully written too! ;-)
Glynis Becker 05/26/08
Way too funny! Great job with the rhyme and for making me laugh!
Chely Roach05/26/08
This was a very fun read...I loved it!
Betty Castleberry05/26/08
Oh, how embarrassing, but it made for a fun read.
You tell the best stories with your poems. Well done.
Joshua Janoski05/26/08
This was so HILARIOUS! The fact that it was true made it even funnier (sorry Mariane LOL).

I sure hope that this places high this week, because it really made me laugh.
Yvonne Blake 05/26/08
Oooops!
Ha..ha..ha... I'll bet that UPS guy will tell his story for years.
Great poem
Sheri Gordon05/26/08
This is so funny. I'd love to see it cartoon illustrated--or maybe not. And the ending is priceless. Great job with the topic.
Joy Faire Stewart05/26/08
Great story and love the humor. Perfect last stanza too!
Lynda Lee Schab 05/27/08
ROFL! Love it! So clever and fun. From the title to the ending, nice overall delivery (pun intended)!
:-)
Jan Ackerson 05/27/08
Well done! My favorite thing about this was your sophisticated rhymes--I get so weary of very simple, one-syllable rhymes, and you've got some real doozies here. Thanks!
Debbie Wistrom05/27/08
No as serious as the title implies, loved the dilemma here, I bet your husband caught an earful when he returned....

Thanks for the smiles.
Lauryn Abbott05/28/08
Where is my little HEHEHE emoticon? I loved this story, it was hilarious! Good job! ;)
LauraLee Shaw05/28/08
I was in stitches throughout this. Your rhyming and descriptions were amazing, and I LOVED it! Well done.
Sara Harricharan 05/28/08
Oooh, ouch! This is funny, but I feel sorry for that ups guy and the lady. Oh well. ^_^
Cheri Hardaway 05/28/08
Well, well done! Great meter and verse in this humorous poem. True story, huh? Wow! Thanks for a great read. Blessings, Cheri
Lyn Churchyard05/29/08
Very entertaining and funny story with wonderful verses and meter. Only you could have pulled this off... well, actually the dog pulled it off didn't she :-) I loved the part about the poor UPS man needing a blood transfusion. Super job Mariane, super!