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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Illustrate the meaning of "It's No Use Crying over Spilt Milk" (without using the actual phrase or literal exampl (02/07/08)

TITLE: Milton’s Fair Fiancee
By Karen Wilber


Milton was in love. He thought he must be the most blessed man on the face of God’s green earth. The woman who graced his arm was considered the town beauty, too good for the likes of Milton.

Nevertheless, he took her to the State Fair that day. They strolled through sunlit crowds whose faces reflected admiration for the handsome couple. Milton proposed. She accepted. He saw no impediment to a lifetime of wedded bliss.

Until they stopped by the diving tank of Uncle Milo’s Incredible Flying Sheep. Uncle Milo had trained several ewes to do what many thought impossible. Each one, in turn, climbed a series of platforms to arrive at a high diving board. At a predetermined signal, the ewe ran down the board and jumped into the air, leaping into a downward arc which ended in a large swimming tank.

With eyes only for each other, Milton and fiancee stood a little too close to the tank. When the plummeting sheep impacted the water at high speed, a large wave of wooly liquid crested the tank and drenched them completely.

Though in shock, Milton found himself laughing at their escapade. His heart was already full of joy. What was a little water on such a glorious day? His fiancee looked down at her ruined dress and shrieked.

“Never you mind, my darling,” Milton spoke, “Let’s get you a towel.”

“Oh Milt,” she cried, “The day is ruined. Look at my dress. My hair.”

Milton offered to take her to town that instant and purchase ten new dresses.

She stamped her foot. “I’ve never been so humiliated in all my life. How can you be so cheerful? I’m going to sue Uncle Milo for every cent he’s got.”

“But honeybunch, I love you. Let’s go back into town, buy those new dresses, get your hair done, and go out on the town tonight to celebrate our engagement.”

“The engagement’s off,” she spat back as she wrenched off the ring and threw it at his feet. “And I never want to see you again as long as I live.”

And she didn’t. Milton discovered later that she lost her lawsuit and left town. Her unforgiving heart ravaged her fabled beauty.

Time mended Milton’s wounds and one day he met another lovely lass. As they courted, Milton realized that she possessed a more gentle nature. What she lacked in grace and beauty, she made up for with a joyful countenance and a laugh that tickled his ears.

He took her home to meet his family. Ed and Sylvia Spilk were delighted that their son had finally found his perfect match. The Spilk sisters rejoiced that their brother had fallen head over heels in love with a woman of an equally jolly disposition.

State Fair time arrived and Milton once more took the girl of his dreams to wander through sunlit crowds. This time, however, he avoided the sheep tank and started with the Midway. Milton proposed to her when their car stopped at the top of the ferris wheel.

Far below them, a couple of old men sat on a bench observing the proceedings and discussing the uncanny resemblance of this present day with the unpleasant outcome of last year.

“Look at Milt up there,” remarked one old-timer, “Ain’t this just like that day when his former fiancee left him? How can he be so carefree?”

“Oh, that’s simple,” replied his sage companion, “You see, there’s no ewes flying over Milt Spilk.”

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This article has been read 1136 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Jan Ackerson 02/14/08
Oh my goodness, oh my goodness, oh my goodness--this is the best wordplay I've ever read. And it totally took me by surprise. Whoever you are, I am seriously in awe. PLEASE pm me and let me know who wrote this!
Sally Hanan02/14/08
I think I know who wrote this! I enjoyed the wry humor. It would have been good to let us know Milton's surname in the beginning so as to avoid the nstant "huh" on reading the last line, but otherwise I got a laugh out of this one.
Lynda Schultz 02/14/08
Oh you clever, clever person, you! Loved it!
Holly Westefeld02/14/08
Good thing I didn't have a glass with a white beverage in it, or I'd have a mess to clean up.
Sheri Gordon02/14/08
Oh my goodness -- this is so clever. Totally unexpected. Hilarious. Great job with the topic.
Verna Cole Mitchell 02/15/08
I am a pun lover, and I hereby crown you king/queen of them allin this absolutely delightful story.
Patty Wysong02/15/08
Milt Spilk?!?!! Oh, that is just way too funny!! I'm laughing so hard I can hardly type. I think that, just maybe (!!) you covered the topic--both halves of it. This is delightful!!! and thanks for the great laugh!
Peter Stone02/16/08
What an incredible article, and the ending is just a riot. Thanks for the laugh.
Debbie Roome 02/16/08
Absolutely brilliant!
Joanne Sher 02/17/08
Your ending absolutely TAKES THE CAKE. The rest of the story was also delightful, but I have to know if you built that entire story around the last line. So??? hehe
Laury Hubrich 02/17/08
Well, being the honest person that I am, I must admit I just didn't "get it" until I read Sally's comment and went and read the last line again! Too funny! Great writing!
Debbie Wistrom02/18/08
Hiniting time is so great. I loved this brilliant entry, can see why you are in masters.
Sharlyn Guthrie02/18/08
What?! How in the world did you come up with that? I was thinking that there was really no need to insert Milton's last name so late in the story, but obviously, it was part of the plan. Too clever!
Lyn Churchyard02/18/08
That was so hilarious! I didn't even twig when you mentioned his last name. Then at the end of the story the kicker just about floored me. It's 3am and I'm trying to smother my laughter with a pillow. Super job Karen!
LaNaye Perkins02/18/08
This was great all the way through. I really loved the word play at the ending. Great job!
LauraLee Shaw02/19/08
Oh, I am just in stitches. Needed that after crying over a previous article. I'm a mess now! You are way too clever for words...
Kristen Hester02/19/08
LOL! This is perfectly written and delightfully clever. BRAVO!
Tim Pickl02/19/08
LaughOutLoud FUNNY! This is Clever....with a Capital C. I hope it wins....
Beth LaBuff 02/20/08
I LOVE IT! So clever and downright fun! :)
Glynis Becker02/22/08
Oh my goodness! I love love it! So creative and clever...what a gift for words you have!