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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Joy (05/18/06)
The Mourning Hour

Weeping bitter tears of sorrow in the night hour,
The dawn unseen through the fears, even as a dream.
Stretching out for hope, brushing a moment's flame,
A light of joy for days passed, feeling granted strength.

Oh to stand once more in the presence of my God,
To feel His touch on my lowly heart as I sing.
Such joy did I feel on the garden's path,
As we talked of coming hopes for the morning.

By His side in the warmth of the first days,
We counted the animals and gave them name.
The stars of the evening sky we numbered,
And He smiled upon hearing the words I sang.

To cast aside my earthly burden of sorrows,
Feeling the joy of His love once more.
Reaching beyond the veil of the heavens,
And know hope in sight of the Morning Star.

The night is heavy upon me, anguished tears are shed,
Toil of the road I travel long, has brought life's gift low.
yet in the waking hour to come, hope I can perceive.
His only joy in the sinful, the praise they may yet sing.

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For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life:
Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

Psalms 30:5
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This article has been read 1638 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
david grant
05/25/06
good sentiment, but I got a lost trying to find the rythm.
Rita Garcia
05/26/06
Joy does come in the morning, His love never fails. Good job!
Leslie Lamb
05/26/06
I, too, couldn't get a pace going, but this was a good piece about the fall of man and the consequent grace that was received.
Jesus Puppy 
05/26/06
Humm.. A restless night for Adam, after being kicked out of the garden.. ;)
Sherril Wendling
05/27/06
Profound and creative viewpoint! I really felt Adam's amazement; the first human to draw breath, and the first to celebrate grace. Is poetry a new venture for you? If so, you did a creditable job with the imagery and the poetic feel. Keep venturing out!The rhythm and rhyme will come with practice. (If, on the other hand, you were consciously crossbreeding free verse with metered verse, I would suggest you work first on mastering meter and rhyme. This discipline will do wonders for an author's creative prose, too!)
Amy Michelle Wiley 
05/29/06
You captured well the pain and joy Adam must have felt. Good job!
Jan Ackerson
05/29/06
You have some very beautiful images here.
Debra Brand 
05/29/06
Hmmm. Must be something wrong with me. I found the rhythm and saw the story. Great work!
George Parler 
05/29/06
Wonderful truth in this piece. I also found it difficult to stay with the rhythm of the piece. And this caused me to have to focus more on the rhythm than on the message. Still, it is a very nice job.
Kate Wells
05/29/06
You captured well, the feeling of the backslider with this verse;
"Oh to stand once more in the presence of my God,
To feel His touch on my lowly heart as I sing."
Kate~
Edy T Johnson
05/30/06
Haiku is a verse form without rhyme, but poetry nonetheless. Individual words, themselves, ring poetic in my ears. So, when you capture an essence in the words you choose and the phrases you create, to me that is poetry. If you want to take what you have and make it fit the rhyme and meter mold, well you can work on that in a rewrite, if you like. But, I think you have already captured poetic moments in this entry and I appreciate it. I especially liked the last line:
"His only joy in the sinful, the praise they may yet sing."

Anita Neuman
05/30/06
The disclaimer in your hint meant that I wasn't even looking for rhythm & rhyme, so I was able to enjoy the freestyle poetry. I really liked your phrasing - this was very melodic. I think this is a very admirable effort!
Tiffanie Chezum
05/30/06
Nice imagery, good protrayal of emotion. Good job.
Dr. Sharon Schuetz
05/31/06
Good imagery. I enjoyed it.
Birdie Courtright
05/31/06
This is very stirring. You did a wonderful job of recreating the sadness that would follow falling from the ecstasy of walking intimately to the emptiness of walking alone. I love that you didn't leave me there and I found through it all, the hope for joy to come. So the ending for me, was beautiful.
Alfreda Byars
06/01/06
I found this to be beautiful and a chance to touch the pain Adam must have known in what he did against God, I found rythem and a peaceful flow in what you said. Great writing...