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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: JOIE DE VIVRE (delight in being alive) (08/18/16)
The morning fog in the harbor was lifting when Jacque and Renée stepped from the plank leading from the clipper ship to the pier. The pungent aroma of fish and crab filled the air. Renee wrinkled her nose and complained in French, "Oh Jacque, I don't think I'll ever become accustomed to the stench of these places. I don't mind the boat ride with the fresh ocean air, but these ports are unbearable. It is beyond me how anyone can survive in these retched places."

Jacque gave her a consoling smile. “Oh, but my dear, these places provide us the opportunity to make much money. We need to come here to negotiate the best prices with our dubious fur trapping friends. If they cannot look at us in the eye, they won't do business with us.” He gently brushed her cheek with his fingertips. "We will only be here a short while. The ship leaves day-after-tomorrow.” He extended his elbow to her. “Come, let us find the tavern where we are to meet these men.”

As they strolled down the boardwalk, the skirt of her silk dress was spread out in the shape of a bell over her velvet slippers. She daintily stepped alongside her husband. Together, they appeared as perfect as two porcelain dolls.

A short distance down the dock sat an old man where he sat most days. Weathered by many years of living on the sea, his leather like skin covered his chiseled features.

“It's a beautiful foggy day,” he called cheerfully to the couple as they passed him. “Wouldn't you agree?” he added with a mirthful twist in his smile. “You look a bit lost. Are you looking for some place in particular?”

Jacque cleared his throat and made his best attempt to speak English. “Ah, yes, we are looking for the main tavern in this town where the fur-traders frequent. Can you direct us?”

The old man nodded slowly, shifted in his chair, and then pointed towards the far end of the harbor. “That way. That's where you'll find them. Down at the end.”

“Thank you. And your name sir?”

“Salt,” he said with a chuckle. “They call me Salt.” He winked with a glimmer in his eyes.

“Salt, I am Jacque, and this is my wife Renée . We are pleased to meet you. Thank you for your direction.”

As the they continued on their way, Renée looked back at the man with curiosity.

***

All through the night Renée tossed in her bed. She couldn't get the old man out of her head. How could he be so happy in such lowly circumstances, when she, pampered with luxury and perfume, was not.

After a restless night Renée woke up determined to inquire of the old man. “When you are meeting with your trapper friends, I will meet with Salt,” she announced to her husband.

Jacque lifted his brow. “Salt?...the old man we met yesterday...why do you wish to speak with him?”

“He is so interesting to me. He smiles and is so joyful when there seems to be no reason for it. I want to find out why.”

So it was all that day that Renée sat with the man listening to his many stories of hardships and blessings, calamities and miracles, heartbreaks and joys. They were testimonies spoken from a seasoned heart with one common thread. “Jesus was always there,” Salt would say. “He is my best friend.”

Early the next morning, Renée shot out of bed, wrestled on her dress and quickly slipped on her slippers.

“Where are you going?” Jacque groggily asked as he lay in bed.

“I must tell Salt what has happened! “ she said, grabbing her scarf, and then running out of the cabin and down the hall.

Standing on deck at the side of the ship, Renée frantically waved the scarlet scarf over her head. Tears streamed down her cheeks. Unabashedly, she cried out across the harbor that every ear could hear. "Salt, I now know Jesus. Thank you. You have helped save my life!” The old man looked up from his Bible with a smile and waved at his new sister. A brisk westerly wind filled the sails of the clipper ship, pushing it away from shore, and out to the sea, taking her to the new life that awaited her.
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This article has been read 562 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Pat Small
08/25/16
I loved this. The characterizations were good. My only question was at the end where Renee is sailing away, yet I recall she had left her husband still in bed. I think you needed some transition there.
C D Swanson 
08/27/16
Well written entry with a great message.

God bless~
Kathryn Stewart
08/31/16
I enjoyed reading your short story. I selected this story to read because the title caught my attention, wondering why someone would be called something corrosive like salt. However,the sense of place-- the seaside air and smells, the ship at the dock and walking along the pier-- were vivid and easy for me to imagine. I think I could hear the characters' French accents as well! For me, I would like to know more deeply about the characters of Renee and Salt, what motivates them. Why is Renee so disgruntled? How did this happen? What exactly should Salt be expected to be pessimistic, beyond being poor and possibly in poor health? I wanted to connect to these characters more because I think they have potential to be great, interesting characters. The ending is probably the most problematic for me. I like the message, but I'm not sure how Renee got there. It seems like Salt should tell her a story or say something specific and moving that gets her thinking beyond herself and her own personal comforts. Let us as readers follow her thoughts as she lies in bed, pondering what Salt has told her, so we can see how she begins to know God. Also, I agree with the other reviewer who mentioned her missing husband at the end. I don't think Renee decided to leave her husband behind. It might make nice framing to show her and Jacques, hand in hand, boarding the boat again to depart as a contrast to their arrival in the beginning. I hope this helps--Good luck!
Bonnie Bowden 
09/01/16
The title drew me in. Salt was such an interesting character.

Parts of the story needed more transition because it was confusing in parts. Did Renee tell her husband about what transpired? Why did she leave him behind? Did he stay for business reasons or were there problems in their marriage?

I liked your story overall; I think you have very good storytelling ability. With a little revision, your readers would not be left in the dark and would feel more satisfied while reading it.