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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: PRIDE (inflated opinion of one’s self) (02/19/15)
Beauty traps us - we struggle and agonize over calories, exercise, inches - and we blame it on the "Barbie Doll" influences thrust at us from eager advertisers.

Ridiculous. When I was easily influenced by the current doll of the moment, it was either the Betsy Wetsy or the mama squeaky-voiced baby doll with the hard composition head and the overfilled cloth body and clacking hard limbs.

What did I aspire to be? The baby or the sex symbol? Both? Yes, indeedy. I wanted to be mega-attractive, yet sweetly dependent, needy, hungry for love and attention.

I prided myself on rejecting french-fries - my waistline and my complexion being more important than my overeager taste buds. I exercised faithfully every day to maintain an hourglass figure: thirty-eight, twenty-three and three quarters, thirty-six.

I added glamour by bleaching my protesting hair strawberry blonde - which promptly turned green when I had to have a permanent. My reworked curly crop was two inches of ghastly green - not attractive at all. I pasted false nails on my unattractive nail-bitten fingers. Always a delight to have boyfriends paste them back on.

I lived on diet shakes and wee boxes of raisins. I was hungry and cranky - again, not attractive at all.

But my mirror caressed my womanly frame, my glorious re-grown Farah Fawcett hairstyle, my vampish long-lashed green eyes.


I avoided the sun and got my fabulously bright orange tan from a bottle. Stunning. People compared me to the actress Karen Black. They still do, actually - in her last few horror movies. Some have teasingly suggested Lassie as a look-alike which doesn't faze me, Lassie had gorgeous hair.

I proudly kept myself pure for my someday husband.


At twenty-six I married a man who was later pronounced asexual with latent homosexuality.

He tossed my pride out the window and substituted rejection.

I breezed through school, enjoying my supposed intelligence. I was lazy, not seeking beyond for my potential. I bragged about the time spent reading, writing - and couldn't brag on the 'rithmetic. I listened, I absorbed, I trained to become the best senior claims analyst I could be.

I developed Chronic Fatigue. Threw all my smarts into a cocked hat and watched helplessly as my brain slid sideways.

I prided myself on my Bible knowledge. Ask me a question. Go ahead. I will answer you chapter and verse. I sang in the choir, taught Sunday School and carried the Word proudly - almost arrogantly. I wowed my first husband with my professed faith.

Professing faith is not necessarily possessing faith. Two and a half years into a doomed marriage, I left, hysterically - and found someone to validate my "womanliness."

I committed adultery.

It appears I spent far too much time preparing my physical dimensions, not enough time developing my mental capabilities, and no time at all nurturing my spiritual needs.

I cannot brag about my physical appearance today, nor do I need to.

I ran out of plaudits for "smarts", with Chronic Fatigue and brain fog from Fibromyalgia.

Would I still remain a virgin until I married?

Yes. And pray that I would meet my now hubby first.

Would I still slack off in school because it was so easy?

No.

Would I still wave my Bible instead of reading it?

No.

I love God's Word - and now find it much more appropriately satisfying to kneel in appreciation than to wrap myself in self-adulation.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Milly Born
02/27/15
Great title for an article that addresses a common, sad problem. We all want to be "somebody." We need to be seen, heard, and loved. But there's only One who can really fulfill that need. If we stop doing it our way and surrender to His way, we can finally become the person we were intended to be. Thanks for sharing!
Noel Mitaxa 
02/27/15
You've really opened your heart here, without wallowing in your past like some "testimonies" which almost sound wistful about the "bad old days."
Thanks or sharing your journey - and your destination. Well done.
Allen Povenmire
02/28/15
Wow, what a story. I laughed out loud at the Karen Black reference, as she was once a favorite of mine. Heart wrenching at times and so bluntly honest at others. Well done.
Danielle King 
02/28/15
As always I love your self deprecating humour, your creativity and all the cute little snatches of your life. You never fail to entertain me. Keep 'em coming.
Kristi Sands
03/01/15
Love the honesty of this piece. This is the kind of writing that will engage readers, because we can all relate to these inner struggles.
JK Stenger
03/01/15
Very touching in its honesty.
Well written and I appreciated your choice of words.I must say, altogether a great entry. Well done and I hope you do well with the judges.
Blessings
C D Swanson 
03/02/15
Wow- I smiled in so many places, and was in awe of your candor.

Thank you for sharing such intimate details and bringing forward in the process an award winning and compelling piece, that I'm quite sure will win it all!

Well done.

God bless~