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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: ENVY (jealousy of another’s advantage) (02/12/15)
Just look at her, sitting and rocking. She is so free to dress comfortably with layer after layer of colorful patterns. Hair upswept under her beautiful leopard hat. She has it all - time for five hour naps, jewelry designing - chocolate kisses awaiting her warm lips.

And that never fails to irritate me - she isn't governed by fashion, she is all herself and is not ruled by the need to be "correct." She doesn't need nor care for face makeup. Her blue eyes slant catlike - fringed with dark lashes any makeup artiste would die for. Dark red lips, full eyebrows . . .

She doesn't concern herself with the mundane, miserable choices of which bills to pay and which to pray. Food and a roof over her head are always provided - and the ever-present, always delicious dark chocolate bar awaiting her in the freezer.

She captures love and attention, and her sweet little smile is a heart grabber. Everyone who meets her falls instantly in love. She has the sweetest face and helpful manner - if you were to close your eyes, you would see her as a six-year old child, anxious and over-willing to please.

Okay - granted she entered this world almost one month early - that explains her little frame, her head that seems but half my clumsy size. Teensy little nails - so narrow and perfect. Eyelashes "out to there" - and so beautiful when tearing up - not like my reddened puffy glare and snot-nosed portrait of angry jealous frustration.

Sibling rivalry is a bitter dish, best served with self-pity and acid reflux. Wherever I go, folks ask me about her - not once about me. How am I doing? Funny you should ask - seething with jealousy.

She always reached Mom's lap first - always weeping over some hurting creature - most often, herself. I remember, in Junior High School, learning the word "bitchen" - which then meant fantasmic utter "right on" - and when she showed me one of her beautiful paintings, I graced her with that new word. She ran all the way home, crying, telling Mom that I had called her a bitch. One of the few times I tried to be nice . . .

She even outdid me on suicide attempts. She sobbingly informed Mom that she had attempted suicide. I, jealous rage-filled, kept all my teen-age angst to myself. Why bother Mom when she wouldn't, couldn't understand my pain, being thoroughly engrossed with my suffocating needy sister?

Always tearful, she commandeered Mom, bending Mom's heart and comfort all to herself. I quickly learned not to compete. How could I? I wasn't able to push myself on Mom while my older sister had her undivided attention and sympathies. I swallowed my jealousy, my hurts, my needs.

Jealousy, envy, spite, pain and unforgettable grief come when we do not know - nor want to know - the root cause of our bitterness. I was constantly challenged to be strong - almost heroic, to be the emotionally stable rung up the family ladder.

A few years ago, when my overprotected sister lost her husband and our Mom - and we took her in to our hearts and home - I was able to discern the truth about her and Mom. It was shocking. She was older, witnessing the brutality perpetrated on Mom by our angry, drunken father who hurt us all. She desperately feared to go to school and leave Mom alone with him. She ran home to make sure Mom was alright. Why didn't she tell her dense little sister? I was so full of myself I couldn't see the great pains suffocating us.

Envy cripples. My sister envied my , working full-time, responsibly paying bills, driving cars.

Mom let her become a ward of the State of Ohio. Mom couldn't cope. Sis wouldn't care for herself, being overly medicated for severe mental problems.

I maintained that I had the same genes, the same environment growing up - and I hurt the same as she does. I, envious, just kept quiet about it.
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This article has been read 984 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
C D Swanson 
02/19/15
Thank you for sharing this somber piece with us. The emotions and the message were palpable and certainly on topic.

I wanted to hug everyone in this story and say "I love you and so does God."

God bless~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
02/20/15
This is a powerful story. I can see how it can happen. I remember my daughter's friend had a developmentally disabled brother and my Mom spoke to him, not noticing his sister until her mom introduced her. My mom felt horrible. Later the sister had a severe eating disorder. She was the middle child, older sister super smart and seemed perfect, younger brother needed so much of Mom's time. It made sense. You showed me that even more than what can be seen on the outside is often present. I think you did a fine job on this one.
Noel Mitaxa 
02/20/15
This emotional roller-coaster is so graphically credible - especially in the mind of the MC when the truth finally dawns. Great writing.
Danielle King 
02/21/15
I am guilty of a lack of awareness within my own family that troubles me from time to time. It seems the one who squeals the loudest gets the attention. You portrayed the experience of sibling rivalry so well and I love your choice of title. There's a touch of irony contained within - best served with self pity and acid reflux - and you write so vividly about your life experiences. You should round 'em all up and put them into a book. Now there's a thought!
Verna Cole Mitchell 
02/21/15
Such a difficult story to write, even more so to live through.
God bless you in your understanding as you have grown in him. You do reveal a special humble sweetness.
Diane M. Bowman
02/22/15
You always come up with the funniest titles, even with tough topics :)

Self-pity and acid reflux usually are the result of ignoring 2 Corinthians 10:12

It sounds like your sister was actually protecting you.

Praying for God to continue to heal.
lynn gipson 
02/24/15
Sad but often felt emotions of two sisters. I see the envy developing with my granddaughters now. Which one will envy the other most?

This is very well done. I love your writing, it is always so real and heartfelt.
Phyllis Inniss 
02/26/15
The reader captures the pain of the characters in this article. You have outlined it well and it is only at the end that we understand what was truly happening in the family. Thanks for sharing.