Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: LUST (all-consuming desire; excessive craving) (01/08/15)
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TITLE: Trudging | Previous Challenge Entry
By Meghan Andersch
01/15/15 -
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ÒMommy!Ó
Rosemary spilled her cereal again.
ÒItÕs okay, sweetheart. Be mommyÕs big girl and help clean it up. IÕll get you some more.Ó
BabyÕs crying.
ÒOops. Looks like weÕre out of Happy-Os. How about a banana?Ó
Please take the banana.
ÒDonÕt cry. Here, you can have some of TimmyÕs Os. Right, Timmy?Ó
Great, now theyÕre both crying. Happy-Os? More like Crappy-Os. Crabby Os.
ÒMommyÕs going to get Toby. You two sit right there and donÕt move.Ó
Maybe theyÕll be too distracted crying for the next two minutes to get into any mischief.
ÒPeek-a-boo, Tobias McGoo. HowÕd MommyÕs precious angel sleep?Ó
P-yew. MommyÕs little stinker.
ÒOh. My. Gosh. How did you do that?Ó
Look at that smile.
ÒUgh, where are MommyÕs scissors?Ó
Snip snap.
ÒOne onesie for the wastebasket.Ó
Uh oh. ItÕs too quiet.
ÒCome on, honeybee. LetÕs go see what the other two are up to.Ó
Wow. How did they get the Happy-Os to stick way up there?
ÒYes, Rosemary, I see the banana in your hair. Timmy put it there? I never would have guessed.Ó
Want. Need. Gotta have.
CanÕt have. Quit sniveling. Focus!
ÒRub-a-dub-scrub.
Two kids in a tub.
Squeaky clean!Ó
ÒNo, sweetheart. TobyÕs too little to go in the tub with you. He likes it here on MommyÕs hip.Ó
Doorbell.
ÒWho could that be? Okay, everybody out. Scoot!Ó
ÒHello?Ó
UPS delivery? Oh, hubbyÕs car part.
ÒWhatÕs that? Yes, I do realize my kids are running around naked. ItÕs good for the skin.Ó
Probably.
ÒOkay, have a nice day.Ó
DonÕt know what you were staring at. HavenÕt you ever seen a woman in her pajamas before?
ÒTime to get dressed! Can you wear your PJs, too? Sure.Ó
What time is it? Only 11?
ÒOkay, guys, letÕs go play Happy Os Pick Up.Ó
Please play along.
ÒCan you eat them off the floor? Only if you get there before I do.Ó
Wow, look at them move.
ÒOkay, munchkins, the kitchen looks great. What should we have for lunch? Tuna fish? Again? Okay.Ó
And then nap time. And then . . . and then.
ÒTimmy, stop flicking your bread crusts at Rosemary. Rosemary, stop flicking your boogers at Timmy.Ó
I really, really need.
ÒLie down, Rosemary. No, you donÕt have to sleep. Just lay quietly.Ó
Okay, TobyÕs down. TimmyÕs down. Just tiptoe out of here and . . .
Freedom!
At last.
Oh, no. What was that thump? Hold your breath. Maybe, if I pretend I didnÕt hear anything . . .
ÒMommy!Ó
No, no, no. I need, I need . . .
ÒWhat happened? Fell out of bed? Let me see that bump. Need a kiss? LetÕs get some ice.Ó
ÒTimmy, why are you out of bed? Rosemary woke you up? You need ice, too?Ó
Please, God, please. I canÕt. I canÕt.
Come on. YouÕre supposed to love your kids.
ÒOkay, you both have ice. All better, Rosemary?Ó
TobyÕs up.
Why?
ÒLetÕs try reading some books together. You each pick one and IÕll get Toby.Ó
I need. CanÕt go any longer.
ÒThe hoppy, boppy bunny and the flurry, scurry skivvy warble glass . . .Ó
Why are you pulling on my eyelid?
ÒHmm? No, I wasnÕt sleeping. Mommy was just resting for a moment.Ó
Maybe if I sit up straighter.
ÒLetÕs try again.Ó
Okay, theyÕre asleep. Success! Now! Now I can . . .
Phone? Drat! I canÕt believe I forgot to unplug it.
ÒHello? No, I do not want to take a political survey.Ó
TheyÕre up again. What now?
ÒNo, itÕs not time for dinner.Ó
ÒWhen is dinner?Ó
Not soon enough.
ÒHow was work, dear? HowÕs your macaroni?Ó
What is he pulling out? A hair?
DonÕt say it. DonÕt say it.
He said it.
ÒExcuse me.Ó
I canÕt, I canÕt. Oh, Jesus.
ÒWhy am I sobbing on the living room floor? Because the couch is too full of toys.Ó
ÒNo, I donÕt want a hug.Ó
Yes, I do.
ÒYou left the kids alone. I can hear pasta smacking the floor.Ó
Thank you for hugging me anyway.
ÒYou want to put them to bed for me? And clean the kitchen? No, you donÕt.Ó
Sounds like heaven.
ÒYou insist? Okay.Ó
IÕm the luckiest woman on earth.
Ahh, feet up, sitting down. I want, I need, I got . . . Quiet Time!
What to do? Read my Bible? Pray? Watch television? Maybe do some laundry.
Maybe, maybe . . .
ZZZZZZZZZZ
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Well done, good writing!
God bless~
One note, I think it probably happened on the transfer from text entry, all the apostrophes and quotation marks changed to Os with marks over them.
God bless~
My only suggested would be to maybe throw some action in with the monologue to make it easier to follow. Not a lot, perhaps just a few lines her and there. Maybe a few lines in a narrative third person format to distinguish from her thoughts and other dialog. Example: "Mommy!"
As the sounds of splashing milk and cereal crunching under someone's feet reached her ears, Mommy cringed. Seriously? How many ways can those kids make a mess? I bet it was Rosemary "accidentally" spilling her cereal again. Please, even in this state of no sleep, I can read her like a book. A book, I hope she didn't hear me think those words! I just need a --
Just then Rosemary charged at Mommy with books falling out of her arms and plopping on the floor.
"Mommy, read! "
I purposely went a bit overboard and deviated a bit from your story just to show you what I meant by being able to still have her musings while showing the chaos around her.
Overall, you did a brilliant job with this one. It's definitely one of my favorites that I've read thus far. Your ending was great to and left me with a smile and a good feeling.
Congratulations on ranking 3rd in your level and 25 overall!