Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Write for the HUMOR Genre (10/09/14)
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TITLE: Pass the Pepper Please | Previous Challenge Entry
By Kon Michailidis
10/15/14 -
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She went on to achieve an 'A' in her final high school English exam.
My association with her over the years has taught me a lot about the English language, especially its slang and idioms. With her fine logical wit, she has challenged the inner unquestioned logic of many expressions I have taken for granted.
***
One day we were watching a film.
"I don't trust that character. I smell a dead rat," she said, pouting and squinting.
I suppose that the only rat she ever smelled was a dead one. Unfortunately, I have smelled a few live ones of the non-rodent variety.
***
Describing an incident about an angry man, Tanya remarked, "He was so angry that he was spitting dummies."
I have often 'spat the dummy' myself, in exasperation or anger. I suppose it is in the singular because children can only suck or spit one dummy at a time. On the other hand, Australian slang uses the expression 'spitting chips', but never 'spitting the chip', to describe someone spluttering in anger. This was a novel combination.
***
A mutual acquaintance had just ended a bad relationship but soon began another that we predicted would end just as badly.
"He's gone from the fire into the frying pan," she said.
"Do you mean 'from the frying pan into the fire'?"
"Well, one's as bad as the other, isn't it?" she retorted.
***
Tanya tells it as it is. It is part of her cultural upbringing. Emotional expression comes more easily to her than it does to me.
"Aahh! I find that man really unbearable!" she screamed. “I just had to get that out of my chest."
Are my own feelings that superficial that I have only needed to get them 'off' my chest and not out of it?
***
One day, Tanya was about to sew but she had trouble threading the needle. "Can you bring me the needles with big ears, please?" she asked.
In Russian, the 'eye' of a needle is called an 'ear'.
What a pity she had missed out on Noddy and his friend Big Ears in her Russian childhood! She might have had a laugh herself.
***
Tanya and I were talking about a couple we had recently met.
"They really live beyond their means. Why do people get loans for things that they don't really need? They say they need money for a spa and a jiu-jitsu," she said.
I suppose there is a place for Japanese grappling techniques in a spa, but I think she meant 'Jacuzzi'.
***
She and I were enjoying a film on TV one night that featured many of our beloved actors in short vignettes.
"What is so charming and delightful about this film is all the vinaigrettes!" she said.
The plot was confusing at times, but I did not think it had become a salad.
***
I am always looking for a good pun. Tanya could find one without even knowing it. I had been telling her about a woman I had met.
"What's her name?" Tanya asked.
"Eve."
"She must get ribbed a lot about her name, such as "Where is Adam?"
Sigh!
***
Tanya always helps me with my sermons.
"You need to explain that or it will be goobledy-gok."
"Pardon?" I asked.
"Goobledy-gook. Gokeldygok."
"You mean gobbledygook."
"So what's the difference? It sounds the same to me."
"Gobbledygook' really was all gobbledygook to her. Talk about a self-prophetic word!
***
We were planning a special baptism for a woman in a park by a river. It was already raining by morning and rain was forecast for the rest of the day.
"We'll manage. Be positive. I have faith. We'll find a sheltered place. She'll get wet anyway," said Tanya.
"But people might not want to come in the rain, especially by public transport," I said.
"You always try to put a spoke in the wheel," she complained.
I am glad to say that my 'extra spoke' did not stop the wheel from rolling on successfully. The baptism proceeded. The rain stopped as we arrived and resumed immediately as we left.
*Name changed
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KJV 1 Timothy 3:16
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