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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Elephant in the Room (12/05/13)
“I can’t go in there.” Why couldn’t anyone understand?

The air in my lungs thickened. If I could just leave . . . if we could do this another time . . . if only . . . if only . . .

If this whole thing could be postponed indefinitely, we could be better prepared for it. If it didn’t happen, we could avoid it altogether. But I knew better.

I knew that on the other side of that door waited a large, immovable beast that wouldn’t leave. Its weight and size dwarfed all of us and there was no avoiding it. Ignoring it wouldn’t make it disappear, either. It was there to stay. Every now and again, it would sit on my chest, threaten to squash the life out of me until I’d weep and sob for mercy. Then it shifted some to allow me to catch my breath, only to begin again in my grief.

Yes. The elephant was in that room. But it was also on my chest, and promised to remain for an indefinite period of time. It refused to be ignored. Believe me. I’ve tried. It was as though I believed that ignoring it would make it not exist. Ignoring it would make it less real, less foreboding, less painful. Less . . . Well, just less.

And now?

Now, I could hear it snickering behind the door. Mocking. Challenging. Shaming. As though it had some sort of device to read my thoughts, it replayed all the careless things I’d entertained, the selfishness of my attitude, the manner in which I’d failed. And there was no making it right. No redemption. No way to retrace my steps and retract those things that burdened me with guilt. Gone was the time of grace and mercy and forgiveness.

Somewhere, from deep inside, a voice rumbled upward. Its depth shook me, my heartbeat quickened, tears sprang to my eyes. I blinked to keep the others from knowing how badly I’d failed. If we didn’t talk about it, we could go on as though we were ok. If we didn’t go in there we could leave the beast to itself. I couldn’t face it. I didn’t have the strength, the energy, or the emotional stamina.

“Let’s just do this another day. OK?”

My brother wrapped an arm around my shoulders, and with his free hand reached for the door handle. “No, Sis. We’ve got to do it now. If we don’t it’s only going to get harder.”

I sucked in my breath and stiffened my back. This was happening, whether I wanted it to or not.

Together, we crossed the threshold. Together we faced that gray, leathery, over-sized beast. And still, it lingered in the room. Silent. Unmoving. Unbending. Unwilling to take back its painful glare. Uncaring that our hearts were shredding and bleeding.

Instead it bore holes into my soul. Its challenge hung in the air--you can do to stop me, I’ll continue to rob people of their loves. Its stare was intense. Revealing. It was also pushing a door open for me to hear that rumble again. The voice grew louder. Its strength, ever-increasing.

Guilt and shame melted away as I realized I’d done all I could. You’re right. I had no power against this beast called death. But I know Someone who has. And He’s promised me that I could move mountains with faith of a mustard seed.

An elephant is nowhere near that large.
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This article has been read 899 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Rita Garcia
12/13/13
You touched the depth and gambit of emotions that we feel when losing a loved one. I've met that elephant. And praise God, He is bigger and more powerful!
lynn gipson 
12/14/13
This is powerful and riveting. I could feel that elephant in my chest. Well written and I like your style!
Noel Mitaxa 
12/14/13
Very powerful mix of emotions and images, expressed with candour and honesty that keeps us right with you. Great writing.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
12/15/13
You captured the emotions of the MC brilliantly. I could feel the pain and fear leap off the page. I wasn't 100 % sure if I knew what the elephant was, but then decided it didn't really matter. We all have elephants of different shapes and sizes trying to smother us. I have been dealing with a death phobia my whole life and your ending reminded me once more that Jesus is the only answer to that fear He can and will help me through. Very nicely done.
Judith Gayle Smith-Owens Vitouswykegardinerclark
12/16/13
Thank you for this stirring entry. . .

Please "throw a brick" for others to enjoy, comment and support your writing:

http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?f=56&t=37705

Hebrews 10:26-31 KJV
Dan Wilson
12/16/13
A very accurate portrayal of emotion dealing with grief. Only the strength of our Lord can sustain us during this time. The picture you paint is very real. Thank you for writing this moving piece.
Ruth Ann Moore
12/16/13
Grief is that looming "elephant" that we each must face throughout life. I love how you carried me along by your MC's internal dialogue and unfolded the story so beautifully.
Dave Walker 
12/19/13
Hi Karls. This is a brick throw, so I've tried to make it a bit more than just sugar and cream, though it's a really captivating read:

This is such a powerful piece that carried me along to the end. You certainly showed, rather than told, with your vivid descriptions of emotions.

I found myself getting a little distracted in para 5 and I think it's because the subject changed. Initially it was all about the elephant. It was in the room, on your chest, refusing to be ignored. Then the focus changed to you. "Believe me, I've tried." Maybe it needs to be transitioned: "It refused to be ignored no matter how much I tried."(?) or something like that. Also, the negative was a distraction -- "ignoring it would make it not exist." One usually makes something be something or do something, not make something not be. I'd feel better if you thought ignoring it would make the elephant disappear.

I loved the emotions that arose, as they always do in a bereavement; feelings of selfishness, failure and the finality of it all -- no chance for restitution. I've been there and you made it all so real. And your ending, giving such a sure hope was superb.

Thanks for a great entry.
Leah Nichols 
12/19/13
Karls,

Knowing what you've walked through in the past few months, I recognize the huge personal emotions you put into this entry. (((hugs)))

Great job. Happy for your commendation. <3
Judith Gayle Smith-Owens Vitouswykegardinerclark
12/19/13
Wonderful - thoughtful! Congratulations on your well-deserved win!

Love & Hugs in, through and because of Jesus, the Christ,

Judi Hebrews 10:26-31 KJV
Happy Holydays, beware the holly daze . . .
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
12/20/13
Congratulations on your 4th place win in your level and for ranking 16 overall! (The highest rankings can be found on the message Boards.)Happy Dance!!
Karlene Jacobsen 
12/20/13
Thank you, everyone, for your encouraging comments. This is actually a true account of the day my brothers and I had to say goodbye to our mom.

I appreciate the constructive remarks and all the helpful insights. I will use them and definitely implement them into the editing of this for an anthology project I have in progress.