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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Foreign Language (12/09/10)
Lord, I don't know what to do. I don't even know how to pray anymore, so I'm just going to say whatever comes to mind.

I'm so frustrated. Things are so out of control. I just wanted to be thinner, but when I think about how thin is thin enough, I don't even know what that is. All I know is that I'm choking on shame. The truth is I don't really even have the gall to talk to You given what I've done to my body. After all, who am I to approach You, but my words are just coming out of desperation right now because I don't know where else to turn.

You have nothing to be ashamed of.

What?

You have nothing to be ashamed of.

How can that be? Your words sound so foreign to me. I don't know if I can understand.

You are trying to recover from your eating disorder. You are struggling, but you are coming to Me with the challenges you face. There is no shame in that.

But look at what I've done to my body, the body You gave me.

You are experiencing consequences of the eating disorder behaviors, but in your heart I know you want to stop hurting yourself.

I'm so surprised at what You're saying, it's like You're speaking a different language. And yet I can't hold back the tears because Your words are slowly starting to sink in.

I love you, and I want you to be healthy. Remaining buried in shame will only make you feel defeated and keep you in the cycle of harmful behaviors. I want better than that for you.

I didn't think that words like You are saying would ever make sense to me. And now all I can do is fall to my knees and thank You for getting through to me.

Give me your shame.

Here, I hold it out to You. I can't carry it anymore. It's too heavy, too harmful, and it keeps me bound. I am leaving my shame in Your hands. I know You have a better life waiting for me. I don't want to miss out on Your plans for me. Thank You for listening to me, for loving me and for speaking words of love and reassurance to me.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
12/20/10
It's nice to know God is willing to hold onto our shame. Having suffered through a severe eating disorder as well as a very destructive self-abusive period I still feel the shame burn deeply. There are some things I can't remember doing to myself and I'm grateful for that gift. Thank you for reminding me that even the things I can remember God wants to carry my burden.
Sunny Loomis 
12/21/10
Thank you for this story. Shame can be a hard thing to let go of. Good job.
Michael Throne
12/22/10
We all live with experiences of sin and shame. It's good to hear his voice of forgiveness through your writing.
Lollie Hofer 
12/22/10
Shame is a powerful stronghold. I'm thankful God's mercy and grace are much more powerful. Thanks for reminding me of The One who extends His forgiveness, healing and hope.
Noel Mitaxa 
12/22/10
A beautiful description of God's acceptance