Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: On the Telephone (11/18/10)
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TITLE: Smeared | Previous Challenge Entry
By Benjamin Graber
11/20/10 -
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Presenting love upon one knee?
But was it love that stole her heart,
Removing it from the gallery?
A masterpiece so beautiful,
She then became your very own;
So many colors then were added
Through all the ways her love was shown.
You made her life so rich and deep
As dreams of marriage made her bloom,
But was it selfishness that took her heart,
And selfishness that spoke her doom?
Not man enough to face her heart
In all the fullness of her pain,
You broke her heart across the phone
And left her bleeding in the drain.
A man can make a woman shine,
Or leave her shattered heart in shards;
Now you have chosen her demise
Because true love was just too hard.
The masterpiece you claimed as yours
Has now been streaked by blotchy smears.
You’ve made your mark upon her life,
A legacy of tears.
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I must confess I'm still a little unclear what actually happened? I'm guessing this couple were going to be married, she somehow made a mistake and they guy used the phone to call it off?
If this was the case, then I don't have sympathy for the girl because she was being selfish and caused the fall of the relationship. And I get the feeling this is not what you want to portray with this from what you've written in the last verses. I feel You want the reader to think the guy was being gutless because he wouldn't break up with her face to face or forgive her her selfishness and continue the relationship.
To add my two cents: I took the poem to say it was the man's selfishness that destroyed the girl's heart (not the woman's).
This was heartbreaking, but well-written. Great poetry as always!