The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/18/10
Oh wow. Your voice is so very engaging, and the premise fascinating. I was engaged from beginning to end. Excellent piece.
Hmm, I feel like I don't quite get the story because it seems like something much bigger is going on and I haven't read the whole story--a part two is needed, maybe?

Good job! I liked the air of mystery and you did so well with telling the story that I was surprised it had ended, I wanted to see what else would happen next and to know who wrote the paper about Mrs.P. Nicely done.
An interesting take on the challenge. I love the teacher's name, it brought an instant picture of an old wrinkled face. Of course every part of me is crying out what did the paper say? I felt a tad confused about the notes in the car and the doctor committee suicide. But you gave me enough suspense to get over it.
06/21/10
An intense piece but very engaging. I too feel it needed to be stretched out into a bigger piece - maybe you'll do that, I'm sure it's worth it. Colin
A very orginal take on the challenge theme. I was totally caught up by the narrative. I don't quite understand the suicide note in the doctor's car. Is there a longer story waiting to be written up based on this one? Keep writing and God bless.
Message was great, and I really got into the story until the doctor committee suicide. The doctor "committed" suicide? Reading over it again, it's coming together and it's quite a picture. Good job!