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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Eek! (02/25/10)
I have a sister, Barbra is her name
When we were kids, she would exclaim,
'Eek! Eek!' whenever there was rain
At first I thought she was playing a game.

'It's only a rain shower I would say'
But she'd run to shelter just to get away
'Come out where ever you are and play'
She'd say 'No way, not on your life, not today.'

Mama said to leave her alone
'Cause your teasing you will surely atone'
But Mama I said, 'she's almost grown,
Running from rain that's a silly thing to own.'

But Mama being Mama, she was always right
While napping in the porch swing that night
An awful thing happen and gave me such a fright
The biggest, hairiest spider on my face did light.

'Eek! Eek!' I heard myself cry
At which point I thought that I would die
Jumping up, and off the porch I did fly
Spiders I detest believe me I do not lie.

Pretty sure I ran for two blocks
Before I was able to deal with the shock
I went back but first picked up a rock
I would face my fear and not be mocked.

Everyone was there including my sis,
Yeah they were laughing at my expense
But I made the situation so intense
I determined to crush it and not miss

'My, my you sounded like a girl,' Barbra said
'Screaming and jumping before you fled'
'Yea, maybe but this fear I will shed
I'll not carry it anymore, like this spider it's dead'

Saying that gave my sister pause
If you can do that I will too, 'cause,
I believe like you that fear has claws
It pulls you in and begins to gnaw.

Together we began pray,
Lord we have victory in every way,
No spirit of fear here, not today.
But of love and a sound mind we'll say.

So during the next rainstorm
Barbra stood still like it was the norm
No more screaming and trying to flee
She and I had a new found victory!
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
03/04/10
Very nice poem. I enjoyed the ease with which you wrote. I also enjoyed the retribution when the spider came along, but it was great that both siblings turned to God.
Marilyn Schnepp 
03/06/10
The story itself is quite unique and has a good point; however, I believe if written in story form, instead of poetic form, it might have come over better. (Just my opinion, of course) The poem doesn't have a smooth rhythmic beat, thus ruining the whole story line. But remember, I'm just one voice in many...so don't give up, it's just my view that a story instead of a poem might have been excellent!