The Official Writing Challenge
BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN
INSTRUCTIONS
how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level
ENTRIES
submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners
Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.


TRUST JESUS TODAY

  • Share
  • how it works
  • Submit
Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Phew! (02/11/10)
Sudenjah felt the slight vibration of the ships engines through the pernizium floor against his bare feet.

“Jiopin,” he called.

The giant Efelveron carried the unconscious guard over his shoulder and looked toward him, nodding.

Sudenjah took one of the dangling arms of the guard, placing his hand over the censor pad of the ship’s lift.

The door immediately slid open and Sudenjah entered.

“Free the other prisoners,” he said. “Make your way to the bridge when you have released the very last prisoner; ship’s bridge,” he said.

The door closed and his feet suddenly felt like lead against the floor, then the pressure eased prior to the door opening.

“Bridge of the Leviathan,” said the recorded voice from the lift speaker.

Sedunjah stepped out into the activity of the bridge. Different officers were busy at their stations, similar to the Edeldon class battleships he first worked on when he joined the fleet, except there were no weapons systems.

He walked to where the navigator and her first officer where busy recalibrating the routes of the system maps. A laser pistol in its holster lay across a panel nearby. He snatched it up as he passed.

It proved a simple matter to pass all hands without being detected as they were busy at their posts. The goal he sought lay ahead in the form of the broad viewing shield at the helm. Two seats were at the window, one for pilot and co-pilot, but only the Captain occupied his seat.

He walked up behind the Captain and stared through the window over his shoulder. There were other freighters like the Leviathan, used in the transporting of prisoners and bobbing listlessly on the outer extremes were fighter escorts.

“No one but Captain and first officer are allowed at the helm,” said the Captain coldly.

Sudenjah remained where he was and smiled when the Captain’s reflection stared back at him in horror.

“You’re Sedenjah, the disgraced fighter pilot,” he whispered.

Pulling the Captain to his feet, Sedenjah fired the pistol into the viewing screen of the communicator, alerting the bridge crew to his presence. They drew pistols and aimed them at him as he held the Captain in front of himself.

“We don’t negotiate with prisoners,” said one of the officers.

“But I negotiate,” said Sudenjah.

Phew sounded the laser pistol, singeing the arm of the Captain, making him buck violently. “I will shoot him a little less per every weapon dropped on the floor.”

Phew, he fired again, making the Captain scream as a clattering of weapons sounded on the floor. The lift door opened and Jiopin, along with several other prisoners both male and female spilled onto the bridge.

“We’ve freed everyone,” panted Jiopin. “The only weapons we have though are this rifle and these pistols. The other rifles are DNA encoded.”

“Good,” said Sudenjah, “Secure the crew in the brig.”

He sat down in the Captain’s chair and surveyed the instruments. It was nothing like the fighters he was used to but he was sure that he could fly the freighter. With no weapons systems, he knew that he had to rely on superior flying alone to escape.

He pushed both throttles forward, powering the massive twin engines and tilted them. The ship veered up and out of the escort.

“Leviathan, you are breaking formation,” a voice said over the communicator.

Sedunjah slammed the throttles forward, sending the ship free of the pack.

“The Leviathan has been commandeered,” said the communicator voice, “All escorts fire on the Leviathan!”

Within moments the fighters had caught up and fired. Phew, phew their lasers hissed.

Sedunjah slapped down on the ship’s shields button and ripped back the throttles. Four of the fighters slammed into the rear of the ship and exploded in a brilliant flash of orange. Sedunjah rolled the ship to port clipped another fighter which trailed a plasma stream before exploding.

He raised the shields to give more power to the engines and pounded the throttles forward when the fighters fired again. The ship suddenly lurched and began to roll hard to the right, indicating that the starboard engine had been hit. It spun rapidly, phew, phew, phew as Sedunjah fought the controls, angling the vessel at one of the spiraling trilaterates in the fabric of space. No one ever entered them, because it was unknown where they went, but as Sudenjah saw it, he had nothing to lose. The spiral swallowed them, as if they crashed into the sea…
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
This article has been read 941 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Mark Bell
02/20/10
interesting story. two cautions about science fiction. first names. take care with building names so that they are fairly easily pronounceable, including items and materials. second, everything must make sense. for example, raising shields would not give more power to the engines. also, firing lasers in an enclosed space to wound would still leave laser bolts to do damage to the next thing in the line of fire. entertaining piece. i would be interested in reading what lead to the MC being locked up.
c clemons
02/20/10
There's no question that you have a good imagination to write, but at one point I thought "Phew" was a character name. If you want to show "phew" as a sound either indicate it by saying the "laser made a "phew" sound. Or put it in italics, still indicating that this is a sound. Your content was confusing also but there is a talent here to write.