Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Adolescence/Teen Years (07/16/09)
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TITLE: Clashing Values | Previous Challenge Entry
By Seema Bagai
07/23/09 -
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I set the table. Mummy chopped cucumbers. Last week, I had shown her the card and asked permission to attend prom. Ticket sales ended Friday and I needed her to consent.
“Nisha, I already said you aren’t going.” The knife’s chops reverberated across the kitchen.
“But, Mummy, you don’t understand. Everyone goes. I’ll be the only one sitting at home watching an Indian movie.”
“If everyone jumps into the river, you will jump in with them?”
I rolled my eyes and placed spoons beside each plate. “It’s dinner and dancing. Teachers will be there, too.”
“Indian girls don’t date.” She dumped the cucumbers into a bowl of yogurt.
“It’s not a real date. It’ll be a bunch of us going together. Please.” I gave her an imploring look.
“I said no.” She snatched a mixing spoon and beat the pot of lentils.
“You have no clue how important prom is. I’ve spent the past four years buried in books, taking AP classes, getting on the Dean’s List.” I banged bowls upon each plate. “I’ve never asked to go to a school dance before. Why can’t I have one evening of fun?”
“See. Your papa and I pushed you to study. Now look. Full scholarship to Stanford. Not like those American girls who go around with boys.”
“I’m an American, too, remember?” As I filled the cups, water sloshed on the table, which I mopped with a towel.
“You are still Indian. Never forget.”
“I know. But I can be both American and Indian. You’ve taught me Indian values and Hindi and stuff.”
“Yes. You speak Hindi beautifully. Not like Gunjan’s children who never say namaste to their elders.”
“Mummy, don’t change the subject. We’re talking about prom.”
“What will people say? That Nisha Pareja dated before getting married. Is that the reputation you want?”
“My reputation won’t change by going. Besides, who cares what ‘people’ say? Other Indian kids are going.”
“Let them go. I don’t care. My daughter is not going. Look, with all this talking, all my potatoes burned.” She slammed the pan into the sink.
“Mummy, it’s almost the nineties. You need to get out of the sixties. Back then, guys and girls in India didn’t do stuff together. Times have changed.”
“Values still are the same.” She handed me the bowl of dough and a rolling pin to make the chapatis.
“You know, things in India have probably changed. Look at the movies. They show couples dating and stuff.”
“It’s all fake. You think life in India is like that?” She reached into the freezer for a bag of vegetables.
“How would you know? You haven’t been back there in 13 years.” I slapped a chapati onto the skillet. “Why did you even come here if you weren’t going to become an American? You should have stayed in India.” I clenched my jaw and stared at the dough, waiting for bubbles to appear so I could flip it.
“You know why. Your papa lived here. He wanted to marry a girl from India. Your grandparents introduced us, we got married, and I moved here with him. I decided to keep my values and not become like the Americans.”
“Going to the prom won’t change who I am. I’m capable of making good decisions. You really need to learn to trust me.” I flipped the chapati and rolled another.
“It’s not about trust. It’s about what is right and wrong. You aren’t going. Enough of this. I’ll finish cooking. You do your homework.” Mummy grabbed the rolling pin out of my hand. I stormed upstairs to my room and slammed the door.
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I reopened the yearbook, remembering the AP picnic, French club dinner, and senior breakfast. Even with those memories to savor, I wondered what prom would have been like.
I now understand Mummy’s thinking, even though I still disagree. As she’s aged, Mummy softened, even once mentioning she regretted not letting me date when I was younger. For years, I was resentful and bitter toward her restrictions. Now that Christ has softened my heart, I have forgiven Mummy and extended her grace for raising me the best way she knew how.
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As far as the ending--it does feel a bit like a summary, even though I really like the framework of the 'present day' at the beginning and end.
What about if you put the action of the last paragraph right NOW, and had you narrator come to her moment of forgiving her mother as she's looking at the invitation?
I really loved this--it's a very strong, well-paced entry.
I had a thought of the ending maybe flowing with the rest of the dialogue (i.e. looking back at the yearbook, some sort of dialogue whether as thought or spoken, forgiving her mom.) Just a thought.
I was a ready for the discussion to end, though, but that's probably because of my own impatience with lengthy discussions. It was so real, I wanted it over. LOL.
The ending works, but maybe a little less "teachy." (does that make sense?) Maybe she's holding the card and she wipes away a tear. And you say something like she's thankful that through Christ she's forgiven her mom, but still wonders what prom would have been like. OR have her own daughter come in and ask about buying a prom dress or something and show how she maintains values and the Indian culture, but allows some things her mom didn't?? Just some thoughts.
This is really a strong piece - especially the dialogue!!
The only other thought (but this might mess with your intent or the integrity of the story) is to add some unexpected element to the story. Maybe something happens at the prom (an accident involving her group of friends or she's named prom queen even though she's not there) that the reader doesn't expect. Or maybe the reunion has a prom theme and a former class mate asks her to go and she finally gets to go to prom years later. But like I said, that might be messing with your intent. I often take a true story and add some fiction to liven the story. However, when it's very personal or meaningful, I often have trouble messing with history, so to speak. I like to keep those as true to what happened as possible for some reason. So I totally understand not wanted to fictionalize too much.
Good job. I had an Indian sweet mate in college and she struggled with these very things. We had lots of long talks.
Bravo!
I didn't go to prom either but my best friend's boyfriend is AG and couldn't dance. I didn't miss it one bit.
I agree, the last part is kind of clunky. Just work on that and this piece will be really really good. Love this piece.
I did wonder, mind, why the 20th reunion was brought up right at the beginning but then not developed further. Would she choose to go and find out how the choices of her friends from long ago had worked out?
Thank you for your kind words about my entry.
Lisa