Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Australia or New Zealand (01/15/09)
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TITLE: A Few Kangaroos Loose in the Top Paddock | Previous Challenge Entry
By Teresa Lee Rainey
01/19/09 -
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Right now, I want to cry. I want to scream and cry ‘til my voice is gone. When my voice is gone, I want to find the dimwit bushwacker who stole my handbag and give him a good earbashing.
I come here to Seaspray on holiday, thinking there’ll be no worries. I walk out to the beach to take a swim and now my handbag’s gone. Now I’ve got worries.
What’s a girl to do? Perhaps those two blokes can help me. “Did you two see the bushwhacker who knocked off my handbag?”
“Think she’s been sippin’ the amber fluid? She seems a few kangaroos loose in the top paddock.”
Are they talking about me?
“She looks good in ‘er bathers though, don’t she. Seems she‘s ready to chuck a spaz. Maybe she is plonked. Least she’s got no ankle biter’s runnin’ ‘round.”
They are talking about me! “You two can listen to me at any tic of the clock. I‘m getting quite cheesed off at the two of you.”
“Easy on now. No reason to chuck a wabbly. We’ve not seen any bloke go by with a handbag.”
What nerve he has! “Well now I‘m fed up the back teeth! I kid you not, my handbag was in plain sight, right by my thongs, and now it’s gone! Can you quit fooling around and help me find the flaming bushwacker?!”
“Listen Sheila. Don’t get all narked with me. Why’d ya lug your handbag to the beach anyway?”
Uuuggghhh! “How do I know you aren’t the shonky bloke who stole it?!”
“Well, you’re quite up a gum tree aren’t ya! Is this your quilt?”
As if I’d be standing by someone else‘s quilt, asking for help. “Yes.”
“Why don’t we ‘ave a gander underneath. Well isn’t this the dingo's breakfast. Is this your handbag?”
Holy Dooley! “I feel like a fruit loop.”
“No worries. Can this bloke at least get a pash for easin’ your worries and findin’ your handbag?”
Buckley‘s chance. “Oh, buzz off. There’ll be none of that between us. Still, I‘m quite wrapped. Thanks heaps.”
“Come on, Mate. Ya gave it a fair go. Don’t make the Sheila think you’re a perve.”
“Ok. Let’s jet. She does look good in ‘er bathers though, even if she‘s not the full quid.”
Aren’t I a sook. Thank you, Lord, for sending those grouse mates. Now maybe I can flake out and enjoy a sunbake.
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By the way... to any non-Australians, 'thongs' are a form of footwear. :)