Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Truth or Dare (08/28/08)
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TITLE: Advice to the Lovelorn | Previous Challenge Entry
By Glynis Becker
09/03/08 -
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And as a result of that sound advice, I am currently hiding out in the men’s room at Applebee’s, splashing water on my face and trying to form an emergency escape plan which will allow me to somehow end this date with dignity. Just a little recap, to get you caught up:
Last weekend, after a lively discussion about whether Q or Yoda would win out in hand-to-hand combat, I made the mistake of telling the guys that I was going to miss next Friday’s Xbox tournament.
“Dude. Don’t tell me you’ve got a date? Who is she? Do we know her? What self-respecting girl is gonna go out with you?” Andy asked, poking me in the shoulder.
I wasn’t the first of the guys to start dating and leave our group. Last year Paul had fallen into the Relationship Black Hole and was now only rarely seen outside the orbit of his girlfriend, Liz. I just hadn’t expected to be next. We are all aware that out of the four of us that were left, I was the least likely to obtain, maintain and retain a relationship with a member of the fairer sex by virtue of my overwhelming dorkiness, but I had gone out on the proverbial limb and given it a shot. And more amazingly, Lucy had said yes, she’d love to go to a movie with me.
Now I realized, though, I have no idea what to do now that she did say ‘Yes’, which is what turned the conversation to the advice that would unknowingly herald my doom. Since none of them knew Lucy (she was another friend’s sister’s friend who had just moved here and I’d met her at church after Sunday school last week), my friends had no advice specifically targeted for her. Instead they decided to teach me what they knew about women in general.
Andy, who had a girlfriend for a month while we were sophomores, is the most qualified to give advice. “Sell yourself to her. Make sure she knows what a fantastic catch she’s getting, so embellish your resume a little, you know what I mean?” I should have stopped listening after I saw the wink he gave me, but he knew more about girls than I did. How could I argue with the voice of experience?
So, fast-forward to just moments ago, when I was sipping an iced tea and sharing one half-true story at a time when suddenly I heard a voice that sounded an awful lot like mine say, “Yeah, I turned down a recording contract with a big-name record label, because I didn’t feel it was the right time in my life. I think I’m better off just letting other people cover my songs and hanging back in the shadows, you know?”
What?? Where in the world had that come from? My cat has made it clear he doesn’t even like it when I sing in the shower. A recording contract? Artists recording my songs? I’ve never written anything more than one angst-ridden teenage poem like a decade ago. What was I thinking? What was wrong with me?
When the rational part of my brain decided to switch on for a moment I faked choking so I could run to restroom and clear my head.
So here we are. Coward, I say to myself. The only possible logical solution is that you go out there, face her like a man and tell her the truth. Didn’t you learn anything from all those hours of watching Friends? Lying never gets you anywhere and you’re no good at it anyway! Then the real conviction came. It’s one of the commandments, you know.
I wiped my face with a towel, squared my shoulders and walked back to the table. I told Lucy I hadn’t choked. I told her I was a master’s student in electrical engineering, not a songwriter. And she got angry. I took her home, in silence. I think I’d learned my lesson.
And now none of my friends have to worry about me trying to give them dating advice. I’ll leave that to Dr. Laura.
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