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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Confused (08/16/07)
In a hot parched land two young voices are heard walking though the wilderness.

“Now where are we supposed to be going?” Looking around for something familiar.

“You will see, now come on. I want to get back before dark.”

“Well let us go back now, it is hot and I am thirsty.”

“Quit whining and keep walking, it isn’t much further.”

“What isn’t much further? This better not be another one of your jokes.”

The older brother stops and turns face to face with his brother. “This is not a joke; do you see me laughing.”

“Well this won’t be the first time that I’ve gotten into big trouble from following you; will it?”

The older bother calming down, “What, you don’t trust me?”

“Of course I trust you. That is what confuses me. Why do I trust you?”

“Because I am older than you and I can kick your tail that is why, now let us go.”

They continued on their path until they came to a thick wall of weeds and brush. The older brother put his finger up to his lips, whispering, “Shhh, come look through these bushes. But be quiet.”

The nervous excitement was building, what could it be? Inching to the gap in the brush where his older brother pointed, he crawled on his hands and knees.

“Good heavens, what is it? He could not believe his eyes as his heart was racing. How did you find this? Looking back over his shoulder he was startled to see his brother standing over him. “Cain?” Terror filled his eyes. “Cain! What are you doing! No!!!!”

Cain’s jealous rage released it’s venom until he stood exhausted. The stick in his, now crimson, fell to the ground. He stooped down and peered through the gap in the brush. There at the gate, the flaming sword, the guardian of Eden stood watch. “What do you think of my sacrifice now?”

The wilderness and all of creation was still and silent. Turning their backs to the footsteps of a marked man, who’s only thought was, I better get home, it will be dark soon.

The earth received the flow of Abel's life as it cried out to heaven. Though all of creation was confused as to what had taken place, the earth some how new this would only be the first of many stains to come. The earth grieved.
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This article has been read 1535 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
SYLVIA KING
08/23/07
Very interesting approach and well written. It's amazing how one word can muster up such varieties. God bless.
Dee Yoder
08/25/07
Very interesting take on this story. I never imagined how betrayed and terrified Abel must have felt when he was murdered by his brother. You got me thinking!
Virginia Gorg
08/25/07
Interesting take on this - the first murder. Wonder what lured the younger brother? This is well done and gripped my attention.
Deborah Engle 
08/28/07
Your ending took me by surprise! Well done.
Joanne Sher 
08/28/07
I was definitely engaged from beginning to end - and I didn't "get it" until the end. Great job of showing the action so clearly without "giving it away." The dialog felt a touch stilted (maybe some contractions would help) and there are a few grammar issues, but this is a very strong piece. Definitely not the first bible story I would have considered for the topic, but you certainly made it clear why it works!
Joy Faire Stewart
08/28/07
I like the unique approach the story takes on the topic and the last three paragraphs are perfect.
Beth LaBuff 
08/28/07
You've done a good job of fleshing out the familiar story for your reader. You also had my interest before I realized it was Cain and Abel. Your last paragraph is especially good. Surely our world is groaning at the things that take place. Good writing. I really like your entry.
Verna Cole Mitchell 
08/28/07
This is a very interesting take on this Bible story. I didn't catch it at first, either, but I was intrigued all the way through. Your last sentence is perfect for the story.
Linda Watson Owen
08/28/07
Such an intriguing entry! You have definitely brought out some things that I'd not thought about before either! I, too, love the last paragraphs especially! Well done!
Betty Castleberry
08/29/07
You had me going until the end. I didn't have a clue who the brothers were. I see just a few minor grammar errors, but this is well done. Very creative.
Julie Moore
08/29/07
Excellent writing George, even with the couple mistakes. Just proof read more. Your idea is very creative and a very good message.
Lynda Lee Schab 
08/29/07
Oooh... VERY creative piece for "Confused." You brought a snippet of that reknowned story alive for me. Well done!
LaNaye Perkins
08/29/07
You did a great job on this piece. I was really surprised by the ending. I loved it!
Kristen Hester
08/29/07
You kept me reading because I,too, wanted to know where the brother was leading the other to. It really got me off guard when it was Cain and Abel. Good writing.
Brenda Buikema
08/29/07
What a great twist on a well known treasue of a story! Very creative.
Patty Wysong
08/29/07
Well, you grabbed my attention right off and you held it--firmly. I loved the brotherly dialog. :-) Very well done! :-)
Jan Ackerson
08/30/07
Great last line, and a wonderful interpretation of this Scripture.

A few niggles--watch out for it's/its and new/knew.

Wonderful use of the topic word in a finely-written entry.