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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Write in the SCIENCE FICTION genre (05/10/07)
My dad was an inventor for the World Alliance Government, including the former United States of America. His job entailed coming up with new creations to keep people in line. I was the guinea pig for the negative thinking buzzer. Unfortunately for both dad and I, the buzzer was a bust. My wrist continues to twitch and dad’s workshop reeked of burning buzzer and negative child.

The newest invention was because the government wanted a warning when we start to go astray. If we’re headed for trouble, they literally wanted an alarm. My issue was history. Grandma left me all her history holograms and up until the late 21st century, people of Christian faith had alarms. After laws banning school prayer, heterosexual marriage, and the sacred Ten Commandments, world leaders decided to agree on one thing and made that law: no more things of God. That included the Trinity my great-great grandparents fully relied on, and generations before them. The Wholeness of God disappeared and ever since, the government tried to recreate Him.

Dad called my older sister Reba L. to his workshop. Reba had the whole temptation to walk down the wrong path thing mastered. Reba was negative, combative and in search of peer approval. She took a tentative step on the glowing laser disc ready to transport her to the basement.

I grabbed dad’s life remote and overrode his pass codes so I could access the workshop and watch. I listened as dad explained his venture with his oldest child.

“Reba L., it’s a microchip I call the Cricket 1.0. The Cricket 1.0 reads all your thoughts and choices in real time and guides you to make the right choices. If you start making dangerous choices, alarms go off. I think it’s revolutionary. You’re my best shot.”

“What makes you think alarms will stop me?”

Dad chewed on his lip as he pondered his reply.

“The alarms are ear piercing.”

“So’s conforming to the government. I don’t see it stopping me. Why not Obeys –Hm? She’s a do gooder.”

I froze at the sound of my name. If this chip truly worked, all my secret hopes, thoughts and dreams would most likely be analyzed and revealed. If it didn’t work, I envisioned a matching nervous wrist.

“You raise a good point, Reba L. I think both of you are needed. I’ll summons Obeys-Hm now.”

The glowing disc was now under my feet. I tossed the remote and headed to dad’s workshop. Reba arms folded and she wore a defiant scowl.

“Obeys-Hm, I want to place a microchip in your arm to see how the Cricket 1.0 works. I’m pretty sure it won’t make any smoke or twitches.”

“But dad, I’ve been watching Grandma’s holograms and I think your invention is unnecessary. I think we already have the features you’re seeking in us.”

Dad shook his head negatively, consulting his notes.

“No darling, I’m the first inventor of such a thing under the Alliance. Come now, it won’t hurt. Much.”

He moved forward and I placed my hands behind my back, still willing to plead my case.

“Dad seriously. It happened before the Alliance. Anyone who called on the name of Christ immediately had the…”

“Obeys-Hm we don’t call on the name of Christ, you know it’s forbidden. It’s all about Science and the Alliance here. Now stop taking up my time. The Cricket 1.0 will be your conscience, your guide, your teacher…”

“I’m telling you, these things already exist --we just decreed Him away. Can’t I call on His name and you watch me make choices that way?”

Dad cleared his throat. What I was suggesting wasn’t only illogical, it was illegal.

“Implant the chip in Reba L. and let me find the way supernaturally. It’s a perfect experiment.”

“You would be subjected to a lot of scrutiny. The government would watch your every move.”

Reba laughed. I smiled. That statement was obvious. Dad managed a chuckle.

“Ok you two, it’s highly unusual but I’m intrigued. Do you know how to call on the name of Christ?”

“I memorized Grandma’s hologram prayers. I believe as soon as I ask Him in my life, the Holy Spirit will abide in me. The need for the Cricket 1.0 will be obsolete.”

“Great…”

Dad and Reba were sarcastic and unenthusiastic, but my whole body trembled. Not because I was the victim of some experiment gone wrong, but because I was on my way to Someone so right.

***
Ephesians 1:13 (New International Version)
And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit…
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This article has been read 1450 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Sara Harricharan
05/17/07
Pretty interesting. I like the idea of a 'cricket 1.0' being something space-aged and the setting certainly created a special situation for your MC. The names were a bit of a giveaway though, otherwise, this is pretty good.
Leigh MacKelvey
05/19/07
I really enjoyed that! So far, it's my favorite! I loved the first person account and the humor. It also made sense to me that something of the like could happen! This was very good writing!
Joanne Sher 
05/20/07
Very creative! Engaging writing. I found some of the scenarios a bit forced, but enjoyed the read.
Jan Ackerson
05/21/07
The central concept--that of an artifical conscience--is very strong and original. The names were a bit gimmicky (let your story tell us about the characters), and there were a few past/present tense issues. But those are easily correctable, and this story has a lot of promise. A very worthwhile cautionary tale.
Patty Wysong
05/21/07
My favority line is, "The Wholeness of God disappeared and ever since, the government tried to recreate Him." That is so human of us: try to delete God and then try to recreate Him as we want Him, to do our bidding. Good job.
Myrna Noyes
05/21/07
Creative, well-written story! I wonder how the MC got the name "Obeys-Hm" from her unbelieving father? Maybe it came from her godly Grandma, huh? The scenario is scary, but I loved the courage and hope in the MC! :)
Rita Garcia
05/22/07
I agree, this is one of favorites! Great writing!
Marty Wellington 
05/23/07
Very intriquing concept. I would have liked to have seen a stronger beginning and there were a few places where the narrative bogged down my reading a bit. Otherwise, I enjoyed the dialogue and the ending.
Terry R A Eissfeldt 
05/23/07
Very interesting and entertaining. thankyou
Verna Cole Mitchell 
05/23/07
You expressed your message eloquently through your story. I found the narrative interesting, beginning to end.
Betty Castleberry
05/23/07
Very entertaining. The dialogue was good, as was the message. Kudos.
Catrina Bradley
05/24/07
A very intriguing piece. I thought if a few sentences had been worded differently, they would have flowed better, but I the plot was great, and I enjoyed your story very much!
Edy T Johnson
05/24/07
You have your finger on the pulse of much of the world's problem. It doesn't seem too far-fetched that this futuristic scenario could be realized, more's the pity. Our sci-fi inventions take over more and more of what God's creation has lost due to the ravages of sin and death for sure. Great concept, Friend. I also want to thank you for your kind comment on my sci-fi story. I appreciate you and your writing!
Cheri Hardaway
05/24/07
Wow! Much food for thought here! This is my favorite line: "The Wholeness of God disappeared and ever since, the government tried to recreate Him." Nice job. Blessings, Cheri