Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Shopping (03/01/07)
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TITLE: Something White | Previous Challenge Entry
By Erin Brannan
03/06/07 -
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"Oh my gosh!" the girl shrieked. "Congratulations! You must be so excited." I managed a small smile. She didn't know.
I followed her back to a small rack with spring dresses. I didn't see anything I liked. Holding back tears I thanked her as she pulled a few and hung them on the dressing room door. I was exhausted. I was scared. I was heartbroken. I sank to the floor and put my hand on my slightly swollen belly. I'm sorry baby, I cried silently. The tears began to pour and I couldn't stop them. This is not how I wanted it to be. Where was the excitement and the joy? Where was my mother smiling and fluffing my veil? How could I have let this happen?
I stared up at the dresses hanging above me. The longer I looked the more hideous they became. Nothing was going right. I had to leave. I stood slowly, gripping the bench for support. A wave of nausea hit me and I had to sit down.
After a few moments the salesgirl knocked on my door. "I found another one honey," she called. "It just came in. I'll leave it on the door for you."
"Thanks!" I choked. After a few deep breaths I reached over the door and grabbed the dress. Pulling it down I gasped. It was perfect. Soft cream fabric flowed over a halter neckline. Simple, yet beautiful. "Thank you God," I whispered as I slipped it over my head. It fit just right. I twirled and a small smile spread across my face.
"How're you doing in there?" the girl called out. "Better," I said smiling. "I'll take it."
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One suggestion would be to begin a new paragraph when someone new is speaking. Begin paragraph 2 with:
"Let me know if I can help you find anything," the perky blond at the door said.
"I need something white," I said. "For my wedding."
This was lovely, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.