The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
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Date
The title and roulette intrigue kept my attention. The change to other stories, while interesting, seemed to take away from a powerful start. A fitting ending to the original "hook" would make this a more powerful story, in my opinion.
04/29/13
I was really hooked at first, but you lost me by going to other story.Both were good, but just, in my opinion, didn't go together.
Keep Writing!
This is a fascinating story. I think you did a nice job of building the suspense. I was a bit confused about how Kayla in bed fit in, I thought she was going to sneak out to the party where they were playing with the gun and end up dying. It might just be my tired brain. I think you did a nice job with the other stories of showing the risks we take. Your final line makes the reader stop and think which is always good.
Congratulations on placing 37 overall!