Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Note (02/07/13)
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TITLE: Didn't You Get My Note? | Previous Challenge Entry
By Jennifer Martin
02/11/13 -
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Becca’s hand fumbled across the night stand in search of her cell phone. She squinted at the small screen. A day-glow 6:23 a.m. stared back at her. Sighing, she looked over at Eric. He was still snoring gently. They had survived yet another horrible fight without either one of them ending up on the couch for the night. It seemed like all they had done in the seven months they’d been married was argue. Becca just felt exhausted. This wasn’t how marriage was supposed to go, was it? To be honest, her dreams of marriage had never really gotten past the beautiful white dress and perfect wedding cake.
She slid out of bed, pulled on her robe and walked groggily toward the kitchen. Coffee. She definitely needed coffee right now. Pulling the plastic top off the coffee can, she let out a little groan.
Really? Why on earth would someone put an empty can of coffee back in the pantry? He really didn’t seem that incompetent when I agreed to marry him.
Well, to be fair, there were still a few tiny clusters of coffee grounds dotting the bottom of the can. Becca sneaked back into the bedroom and slipped on a pair of jeans and a sweater. Grabbing her purse and keys off the nightstand, she saw a yellow Post-It pad.
I really should write a note, she thought, glancing begrudgingly over at a sleeping Eric. He doesn’t deserve it, but I’ll be the bigger person here.
She snatched up the sticky pad and jotted a short note, “Went to store. Be back soon.”
He probably won’t even be awake when I get back, she thought as she tossed the note onto the kitchen table and headed out the door. As she drove away, a strong gust of wind blew through the open kitchen window. The small yellow square took flight, wafting gently over the edge and under the table.
A chilly breeze startled Eric from his slumber. He squinted in the light coming through the blind slats. Something wasn’t right. He sat up with a jolt. Becca? The covers beside him were pushed back to reveal an empty sheet. Eric jumped out of bed and rushed around the tiny apartment, looking for any sign that she was there. Nothing. No coffee brewing. No TV chirping out the morning news. No water running in the bathroom.
And no note on the table.
No matter how bad their fights had gotten, she had never left without leaving a note. The temperature in the apartment seemed to rise 20 degrees. Eric felt his face burning. His stomach wrenched, and sweat started to bead up on his brow.
What have I done?
He thought about how rocky their relationship had been since they got married. His short temper had gotten the better of him one time too many. Was this really the end? They couldn’t even make marriage last for a year. Eric had never felt so empty. She was everything to him. Why didn’t he tell her that more? He thought of her smile the first time they met. He thought of all the fun they had when they were dating. He really thought that she was his soul mate. They had talked about buying a house and raising a family. How could this happen?
The metallic scrape of a key in the front door startled him out of his wallowing. The sight of that familiar make-up free face and soft auburn hair made his heart leap. He threw his arms around her and held her as though he never intended to let go.
Becca dropped the grocery bag, her eyes wide with surprise.
“Everything ok, baby?” She asked in a bewildered tone.
“I’m so sorry, for everything,” Eric cupped her face in his hands a stared into her eyes.
“Me, too.” She still looked shocked.
“I thought you had left for good,” he explained.
“Didn’t you get my note?”
Two days later, Becca was vacuuming the kitchen rug when she caught a glimpse of yellow under the table. She knelt down, peering at the sticky note perched smugly against one of the table legs. With a grin and a prayer of thanksgiving in her heart, Becca picked up the note and propped it up against the beautiful vase of roses in the center of the table. God really does work in mysterious ways.
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One thing you can do to tighten up the prose is to read carefully and decide if you need every 'that'.
Your characterization was great! Thanks