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ME (in a moment of frustration):
I’m tired. I’m finished. I’ve had enough. There’s nothing left. It’s all been taken and mocked. I’m done. I don’t know why I ever tried.
I’ve tried to guide my children— I’ve loved and given up so much for them, but they continue to run the other way. Why did I do it? Because I couldn’t help it—they’ll always be my children, even though they think they are grown! Because I want good for them! Because I thought it would work. It hasn’t. It has only turned and bit me. I’m sick and tired of being bit.
You have to be careful loving people too much. They’ll rip your heart out of your chest and chew it up and spit it out.
I am giving up trying. They can have what they want. I am going to disappear. Then who will they blame when they end up in a mess? I won’t be here for them to blame. Maybe then they’ll take a look at how they got there.
I’ve even tried to talk myself into a positive attitude. That didn’t work either. It only came back and mocked me, too.
GOD:
Going it alone again, I see . . .
ME:
Seems like I have to. A LOT.
GOD:
Really? What do you really mean, Child?
ME:
Well, where are you? I thought you had my back. How CAN this look like you having my back?
GOD:
What do you really want, Child?
ME:
What does that mean? Lord, You know what I want. I want them to do right.
GOD:
What hurts you?
ME:
When they won’t listen. When they reject what I say. When they say terrible things to me about the wisdom I give them. When they totally misunderstand everything they do let me say. When they shut me out and won’t talk to me. When they run away from me. When they are so stubborn they won’t accept the truth. When they don’t really see --when they don’t trust what I tell them . . . . When you don’t make them.
GOD:
Hhmmm. . . Do you know who you sound a lot like?
ME:
Myself. Feeling sorry for myself. AGAIN. I know. I’m not as smart as I think. I am not You. I am not perfect, myself. I make my own wrong choices all the time. I have my own faults to work out. I know . . .I’ve heard all this from them.
GOD:
That’s not what I was going to say. Who else would possibly understand how you hurt about your children? Who else would say those words?
ME:
Other parents, I guess. Other parents who love their children and want the best for them.
GOD:
Who is the perfect parent?
ME:
Well, evidently it’s not me. The perfect parent would know how to deal with this situation. The perfect parent would probably have children who talked to them and listened to them.
GOD:
You think so? Who really is THE PERFECT PARENT?
ME:
I see your point, Lord. I’m not perfect and none of us is. We’re all going to have our different versions of “failure.”
GOD:
No, you’re still missing it. Let me repeat the question. Who is THE PERFECT PARENT?
ME:
(Trembling and humility after the opening of blind eyes) You are.
GOD:
Yes. Who’s in charge?
ME:
You are.
GOD:
Why do you love and where does it come from?
ME:
You. It’s all about You.
GOD:
Who is their Father?
ME:
You are, and you’re mine, too. You’re so much better at it than I am.
GOD:
Do you believe it?
ME:
Yea, I do. I really do.
GOD:
Good. Show me.
ME:
How?
GOD:
Trust me with them and love them like I do.
ME:
How? Isn’t that what I’ve been doing?
GOD:
Sometimes.
ME:
How do I love them like you love them?
GOD:
How have I loved you?
ME:
You gave me Jesus, you see me, you listen, you correct me in love. . .Will you help me?
GOD:
Definitely. I’ll repeat directions as often as needed. Remember, I loved them first. I always have. They’re not yours. They are mine. Whose sheep are they?
ME:
Sigh. Yours . . . I know. I just want to protect them.
GOD:
Who’s in charge of protection?
ME:
You are.
GOD:
Yours, too. Trust me. Now come here and let me wipe those tears.
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