The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 408 times
Member Comments
Beautifully done! I love this story and wish it could be sent to every wife of a working man around the globe. You've really put things in the proper perspective here and given an answer to the flat feelings. Indeed, God is the answer to our loneliness and unfulfilled expectations. You've captured the essence of the situation in so few words! Brilliant!
Great story! One thing I've been working on is showing instead of telling. I bought a great quick read on the topic, 'Bring your writing to life' by Amy Wiley if you're interested.
Nicely done!
Awe! That ending made my eyes well up.

You did a great job setting the mood with your choice of phrasing. When I was plodding along with Maggie, I felt her low energy, her lack of joy. With Fran, with every word or action she took, I felt her high energy. I felt her 'soda pop' effervesence. And even though Fran was inn-your-face about Jesus, it felt real, deep, and not in-your-face. It felt loving.

Great message. Great application of theme.

My only comment is this: When you are expressing a thought process like this,

“My marriage is one long argument” Maggie realized. “I need to get out of this house” she thought, deciding to go for a drive...

Consider writing it something like this,

Her marriage is one long argument. She needed to get out of the house, so she went for a drive.
Great message. Very true and a good reminder that our hopes should never be in a person - other than Christ.
This is an excellent story with a great message. Your first paragraph grabbed my interest right away. The pace of the story was strong with believable dialogue. Extremely well done in my humble opinion.
Wow - this was a powerful entry. It touched me. Nicely done. God bless~
Just goes to show that old friends are the best friends. She helped Maggie find herself. I really enjoyed this. Super job. You write with feeling and have a great way of sharing them.
This is a powerful story. You did a nice job with the topic. I saw her flat affect right away and was drawn in.

I noticed some missing punctuation, especially in the dialog. Instead of using taglines like she said, try to paint a picture. She hung her head as her shoulders drooped. "I've been feeling flat." That way you can identify the speaker while developing the characters.

I could so relate to the MC. I'm sure many people can these days too. Life isn't easy. Some think if you are a Christian, then you don't have problems. But we know it means that God gives us the strength we need, along with a friend to boost our spirits. I really enjoyed this piece.
I really enjoyed this piece and especially how you tied the topic to Divine Effervescence-interesting and well done!