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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Park (10/25/12)
In the dappled shade of the park,
with shadows dancing on grass,
with a book and its riveting tale
I wait for time to pass.

With twittering birds in the trees,
and laughter drifting on breeze,
with sunshine tickling my feet
I relish my life of ease.

As a wattle-bird twigs its nest
with its eye on me and my face
a breeze gently ruffles my hair.
Yes, this a favorite place.

As voices wander across
my conscious, languid mind,
contentment washes me through.
I'm at one with all humankind.

Strewn on the grass around
and seated on benches of wood
are people of every kind,
a parkland neighborhood.

But away on a lonely seat,
supine, in a dirty coat,
is a human flotsam girl
in a world estranged, remote.

Her shoes are rough and holed,
her head on a towelling rag.
Asleep, her possessive hand
clutches a shabby bag.

The neighborhood glances her way
then turns to their pressing tasks
of eating and tweeting and rest
and polishing up their masks.

I conform to the unwritten script
and cherish my well-earned time
alone in the sun with my book,
for relaxing is never a crime.

The complacent part of my heart
says she's no business of mine,
tells me to leave her alone
and keep to my side of the line.

In the dappled shade of the park
with some privileged time to pass
I think my self-centred thoughts
on the comfort of well-mown grass.

The sun rays sooth my mind,
and erase the confronting scene.
Like a cat I stretch and release
and immerse myself in the green.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
11/05/12
This is a deep poem. You managed to paint a wonderful description while using awesome words. I did wonder at the end, if the MC offered to help the girl or if she just put her out of her mind and went back to enjoying the park. Then I thought about which thing would be better minding one's business or seeing if there is a way to help. I like pieces that really make me stop and think and the open-ended part where the correct answer might be different for different people. This is an intense poem. Good job.
Noel Mitaxa 
11/08/12
This is very descriptive, with its own challenge about blending in - at one with all humankind - while being disturbed at the sight of someone less well-off, and letting any chance to help pass right in by, like the rest of all mankind.
Well done.
Loren T. Lowery
11/08/12
Very nicely done - immersed in provoking thoughts. At first I thought it'd be an "Alice in Wonderland" type vantage point, but rather than follow the rabbit, you had us chase introspection. Congratulations on your win, Ellen.
Margaret Kearley
11/08/12
Congratulations on your win. A most beautiful poem.
Myrna Noyes
11/08/12
WOW! This is very well-written, but it's main charm for me is the message! You expertly expose our hypocrisy, complacency, and self-centeredness in the story within your poem. CONGRATULATIONS on your well-deserved ranking! :)
Noel Mitaxa 
11/08/12
Congratulations on your win. Great work.
Bea Edwards 
11/08/12
You created a convicting poem which kept a quality of lovely poignancy. Well done!
Charla Diehl
11/09/12
Ellen, this is outstanding in rhyme and rhythm--you are a talented wordsmith and I enjoyed every bit of this thought-provoking poem. Congrats on taking 4th place in the EC list.
Beth LaBuff 
11/09/12
You have a compelling message. Congrats on your EC!
Frankie Kemp 
11/09/12
"The neighborhood glances her way
then turns to their pressing tasks
of eating and tweeting and rest
and polishing up their masks."

My favorite stanza--especially the "polishing up their masks" part. You've captured an invisible truth about us all, haven't you? You are brave to be transparent and present the BIG picture, even when it makes the speaker of the poem an imperfect one. That's why your poem packs a punch.