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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Sweet to the Taste (08/23/12)

TITLE: Blink
By Ennis Smith
08/27/12


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I blinked for a moment. At least, that’s what I thought. When my eyes opened, I was surrounded by coarse sand and jagged rocks as far as I could see. Then the heat swallowed me. It came down so fast, I thought I’d just been fire bombed. My lungs were an inferno. Sweat drenched every inch of me. My surroundings were confusing. All I could think of was…

“Where the hell am I? What’s going on? How did I get here? Where’s my wife?!”

My throat was parched, as I stumbled across the burning sand dunes toward an unknown destination. The sun was relentless, and every step seemed to sap more energy from my weakening legs. Panic: my old friend. I couldn’t remember the last time I'd seen you. But you sure did show up that day, didn’t you?

“My god, I’m so thirsty. Where am I going? Why’s it so hot out here?”

“You ask too many questions, my love,” she spoke, from behind me. Her sultry voice startled me at first, but as I spun around to catch a glimpse, I was immediately captivated by her ravishing beauty.

“Who…who are you,” I asked. “Where did you come from? Why am I here? Where is ‘here’?”

She slipped a finger to my dried, cracked lips.

“Shhhh. Rest easy, my love. I’m here now. I’ll take care of everything,” she whispered. As her soft, delicate finger gently touched me, my lips instantly dampened with the taste of cool raspberry-flavored water. The moisture spread across my cheeks, quenching the fiery heat of the blazing sun.

I gasped. A pitiful moan slipped from my lips, as my tongue-tip instinctively darted for her finger. She was sweet to the taste and I savored the sensation of luscious berries invading my mouth, soothing my pain and anguish. She giggled coyly and slowly moved away from me.

“No don’t go. I…I need you. It’s so hot out here! Please…I need more,” I whimpered.

She smiled and winked at me with haughty, sensuous eyes, while backing away; no…leading me, deeper into the desert. Those eyes mesmerized me. With each step I pressed toward her through the burning sands, an article of clothing dropped from her person and instantly burst into flames, as it contacted the sand. The sand; she seemed to float atop it, but I never took notice. Her figure was just too intoxicating.

“That’s right, lover. Follow me and I will be yours. Forget about anyone else. Follow me, and I will be all you’ll ever need.”

I wanted to, but somewhere in the distance, a screeching alarm wailed in the humid air. It temporarily cut through the trance, leaving me dumbfounded but coherent. I faltered for a split second.

“Wait. My wife; I have to find my wife. Where in blazes am I, and why’s it so hot here? Who are…”

She moved with the speed of a cobra, locking her moist, sweet lips to mine. My spirit gave way to emotion and I drew her into my arms. The alarm silenced as my body temperature first chilled over, then froze. She tasted like the sweetest passion fruit; her hair was the scent of pastries. Our lips parted momentarily.

“What wife,” she whispered.

“Yes…what wife,” I replied, as I clamped my mouth to hers again.

“Stay here with me, lover. I promise never to hurt you. I will be the water you need, in this desert; in our paradise.”

She withdrew, leaving me shivering despite the smell of ashes and burnt flesh rising from my soul. Gently grabbing my hand, she led me into the heart of the desert. I willingly followed her naked stride over the sands, looking back only to find my own clothing ablaze in a path behind us; my righteous armor, now a smoldering remnant of its former glory.

I never blinked again. I never left the desert. My beauty eventually left me to burn forever in the hot sands, yet I continue to cling to the promise of her return. I realize it was a lie, but I look for her just the same.

I am the deceived. I am the fallen. I once followed the path of light diligently, but blinked for moment. The moment was all the time she needed to capture me, with her promise. Her promise damned me for eternity.

I roam the desert now searching for those unguarded. Don’t you blink. I just may find you.


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This article has been read 519 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 08/30/12
Wow what a powerful allegory. You really didn't pull any punches and told the story just as it is. You had captured my attention and I could feel my heart thudding as I read this.

I did notice something in this line--The sand; she seemed to float atop it, but I never took notice. How could the MC tell us if he never took notice. I'm nitpicking, but it did cause me to stumble just a bit.

It's on topic in a very out of the box way. I often stray too far from the box so I'm not the best judge to tell if you did or not. Your message was stunning. Only a blink...oh how true that can be. Also how wonderful for those who have invited Jesus into their hearts, he forgives and grants us grace quicker than a blink. This is an intriguing story for sure.
CD Swanson 08/31/12
Wow - powerfully deep. Nicely done...and fuel for thought as well.

God bless~
Arlene Showalter 09/01/12
Gripping. Powerful. 'nuff said
Theresa Santy 09/04/12
Yes, powerful. I have to admit, in the beginning it was too sensuous for me, too shocking in fact, but I think that was the point. This is bold, courageous writing that is as lovely as it is frightening, and as poetic as it is coarse.

Very well done.
Edmond Ng 09/05/12
An excellent piece that brings across the meaning of two Bible verses.

"Stolen water is sweet; And bread eaten in secret is pleasant." But he does not know that the dead are there, That her guests are in the depths of Sheol. (Proverbs 9:17-18 NAS)

Though evil is sweet in his mouth And he hides it under his tongue, Though he desires it and will not let it go, But holds it in his mouth, Yet his food in his stomach is changed To the venom of cobras within him. (Job 20:12-14 NAS)

Well done!

Danielle King 09/06/12
WOW! Wait while I wipe the steam off my specs!

This is an amazing and daring entry and is well deserving of the ribbon. A huge congratulations to you.
Myrna Noyes09/06/12
WOW and DOUBLE WOW!! This powerful piece is so very well-written and contains such an important message! It truly "packs a punch"! I love your highly descriptive writing! The ending is excellent, too! I should just say that your entry is amazing from start to finish! CONGRATULATIONS on your win! :)
Laura Hawbaker 09/06/12
Congratulations! Excellent writing.
Bea Edwards 09/06/12
This was a stunning entry, crafted in a method that was alluring but not trashy...Well done, presenting an age old dilemma in a fresh and spicy way!
Charla Diehl 09/07/12
This story grabbed me from the first sentence and kept me reading to the gripping conclusion. Excellent in content, message and delivery. Congratulations on placing so highly with this stirring piece.
CD Swanson 09/09/12
congrats. God Bless~