Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Experiment (02/16/12)
TITLE: God, stop being with me instantly
By Amica Joy
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This is a weird day. I am talking to myself again. Seems, I have lost touch with myself. My thoughts don’t seem to reach my heart. My emotions are hanging loose. I am in the strangest state ever.
It’s so mesmerizingly different to anything I have ever experienced. I can’t describe it. I can only go vocal about it – and talk to myself.
Just words, words, words, and indefinable feelings. (Pause)
No, I’m not on drugs. I am not on anything, am I? Maybe I am getting into a really bad psychological state. Maybe I am going mental. Maybe I am already nuts. (Pause)
No, no - people who are out of their minds don’t reflect. They lose it. I’m not losing it, am I?
But people who are out of their minds are found muttering to themselves in different tunes. (Pause)
O no! I am muttering to myself.
What could I be losing?
My thoughts are caught in a traffic jam. Too many thoughts are travelling at high speed on my mind’s highway.
(Tom focuses on something in the sky)
Hey, you’re taking a wrong turn. Stop! Stop! This is getting out of control. You’re targeting the wrong person. (Pause)
Who am I talking to now? This is ridiculous. I feel totally foolish.
You are a fool.
Ha, that’s funny, isn’t it? What a laugh! Ha, ha, ha, I am a fool! I am a fool! (Pause)
That never ever occurred to me before. This is a new revelation. Me – a fool? You must be kidding!
You are a fool and you know it.
Yes, I do. It’s painful. It’s shameful. It’s not what I want to be.
My emotions are still hanging loose. My heart and my brain are aching. There’s one word that I would have never allowed to enter my system: Guilt.
But now it’s in there - in my head - and all of a sudden other words enter: Sin. Condemnation. Fear. (Pause)
O God, this is a frightening experiment! I am out of here. I can’t take it.
Would you please stop being with me instantly?
When I asked you to make yourself known to me, little did I know that you would show me who I am. I don’t like who I am. I am shocked. I am disgusted. I want to cry. (Pause) I want to be a new creation!
Wow – did I say that?
Yes, you did.
I want to be forgiven. I want to be your child.
And I will be with you forever and ever and ever and ever.
Is this it, God? Is the experiment over?
It was never an experiment.
No – but.
Nothing but. You asked me into your life because you wanted to put me to the test. You wanted to know if I am really who I say I am. (Pause)
Yes – you proved it. But I was just muttering to myself that if God really existed he should show himself to me. That was all. I wasn’t really looking for you.
You prayed and I answered your prayer. You can’t experiment with me.
Okay, okay. No experiment, I got it.
Okay. Follow you. Okay! (Pause) How do I do that?
Christ dwells within you now. You are on a holy journey now.
Awesome. Where will it take me?
Promise me, please, that this is really true!
Are you trying to experiment again, my child? (Pause)
I am faithful and true. I am committed to you.
O God, thank you.
Love me with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind.
My heart, my soul, my strength and my mind are in your hands, Lord. (Pause)
Now I know. I’m not nuts – but I am going to Glory (Pause) - ultimately.
Yes, and GLORY it will be.(Pause)
Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify ME - your Father who is in heaven.
Yes! For heaven’s sake, I will! I will!
For the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the GLORY of the LORD, as the waters cover the sea.
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