Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Agreement/Disagreement (01/19/12)
-
TITLE: Working the Toadsnot Murder | Previous Challenge Entry
By annie keys
01/25/12 -
LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
ADD TO MY FAVORITES
A powdered sugar donut sticks out of Mort’s mouth and I can hear him sucking drool to keep it from dripping on his notes. I shudder, how can he eat a donut standing beside a dead body? As I walk up to the crime scene, he looks up from his scribbling, pulls the donut from his mouth and leverages it against his clipboard with his thumb. Not only do we disagree on the usefulness of technology in the workplace, we disagree on dietary disciplines. As I approach, I pop a sugar free mint into my mouth.
“Who do we have here?” I inquire as I decline the wave toward the donut box sitting on the front steps. “Youra Toadsnot.” Mort grins as he wipes his hand across his mouth, his wet lips obviously wishing the donut would be returned. Shaking my head, I’m stunned at his insensitivity.
Through the years, we’ve worked together on over 100 crime investigations. In spite of Mort’s obvious dismissal of technology, and even more obvious, our disagreement concerning healthy eating habits, together, we hold the precinct record for crimes solved. Our personalities are totally opposite. He relies on intuition and good old fashioned down and dirty crime scene investigation. My bent is toward minutiae and all the benefits that technology can provide.
One of only a few things we ever agree on is that there has been a crime and we’re going to find out who did it. Looking into the sky and rocking back on my heels, I whistle through my teeth and reply to his adolescent toadsnot insult, “C’mon, Mort, be serious, she’s dead, show some respect. What’s her name?”
Mort’s eyes revealing his obvious enjoyment of my annoyance, states, “Youra Toadsnot IS her name, seriously.” Momentarily taken aback by how life can be so unintentionally cruel, I clear my throat and ask for the details of the crime scene. Without blinking, Mort continued, “--and her oldest daughter’s name is Imma. Really, no joke, she’s thirty years old, beautiful, single and her name is Imma Toadsnot.” I squinted my eyes; grimacing as I shook my head from side to side I wondered if Imma had murdered her mother.
Obviously still enjoying the adolescent amusement of the victim’s appellation, Mort shoved the still half eaten donut into his coat pocket and noisily licked his fingers before turning his attention to his notes. He was getting better with his self-control, only a half a donut instead of two whole. Acknowledging his self-discipline, I gave him a “thumbs up” and popped another sugar free mint into my mouth as I pulled my Iphone out of my pocket.
Many hours later, the evening sunlight reflecting from the metal roof across the street found Mort and I still facing each other at our respective desks. My pristine, neatly organized work space seemed barren when offset by his. Mort’s desk being cluttered with Twinkie wrappers, Styrofoam coffee cups, paper pads and stubby dull pencils looked like a scene out of an old black and white detective film. All that was missing was a slow moving ceiling fan oscillating a breeze downward to ruffle the papers on his desk.
As we assembled our paperwork we looked at each other and simultaneously said, “I’m ready, you ready?” Now comes one of the few times in our day that we are in agreement. We both opened our top desk drawer and pulled out a well-worn Bible. We each held up our book and confirmed our agreement in one voice, “Lord, tomorrow, give us wisdom to see the truth, direction to apprehend the guilty, keep us safe in your loving care and bless our homes, in Jesus’ precious name. AAAAAmeN.”
As I took the stairs to the parking garage, Mort took the elevator. Stepping out into the warm summer’s night, I sighed, “And please, Lord, let Mrs. Toadsnot’s daughter, Imma, marry a man whose last name is Smith.”
(word count 743 fiction)
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
In the very beginning you mention that they are different in their use of technology and their dietary habits. Then, a few paragraphs later, you mention it again, almost worded the same way. It felt a little repetitive.
I too like that they agreed on the Word and the Lord's power to guide them and keep them safe. I found myself wanting to know how the story turns out.
Very well written.
God Bless~
I think the MCs doughnut miraculously appeared again.... At one point you said he "wished it would be returned," which to me indicates it's gone. But then a few paragraphs later, he's eating half a doughnut.
Funny you mentioned the black and white spy movie, because I totally read it in my head like that... With the famous spy voice and all. Nice job.