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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: The Comedy of Errors (not about the play) (08/18/11)

TITLE: Testing! Testing!
By Colin Swann


Pastor George brought down his Bible with immense force and made violent contact with the pulpit.

Wow! I felt that and so did others in the congregation. Sylvia almost fell over in her startled state. Easy, Georgie Boy!

He concluded his sermon with an omission of his well worn – Amen! “The Bible is God's Word and must be taken literally – go and test it,” he shouted. That was it!

Mmm, testing time!

Scripture being tested
'A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome woman are alike; …..' ESV.

There are some benefits then of being single – who would want a contentious wife?

My place had been as quiet as a morgue since my canary had lost his voice and I would like a bit of homely sound around.

Maybe even a bit of the noisy dripping wouldn't go too far amiss. I'm sure any sound is better than this noiseless existence. I'll try it out and see if I could bear the drip-drip of a woman's nagging.

The test
So... I got the old tin bowl out from the loft, suitably placed it under the tap and then sat and waited. The dripping became a bubbling as my pet roller canary broke into song, performing his water bubble repertoire in competition to the leaking tap. His song drowned the drip!

Praise the Lord he's got his voice back!

Things to be noted
1 If you've got a nagging wife then get a canary to sing her into submission.

2 Get lessons in DIY in changing a washer if you've got a leaky tap.

3 If your canary has lost its song give it the bowl and tap treatment.

4 Marry a sensible woman who hangs on your every word.

Georgie, you got this one wrong – all it produced was a bird on song!

Scripture being tested
'Cast your bread upon the waters, for you will find it after many days.' ESV.

Well I'm here at last – I hope it's worth the 2 hour drive!

The test
Lake Lonsdown portrayed a quiet settled beauty – perfect for this testing.

Must find a waterfowl free area – I've not come duck feeding!

I got my bag of bread pieces out and threw them out in the faith that they would return to me after many days. I took my coming back to see what would happen so seriously that I checked up the dictionary meaning of 'many' i.e.: 'A large indefinite number.' I decided twenty would do.

Back in a score of days – that'll do fine!

As soon at the bread chunks hit the water whopping carps gobbled them all up.

This is going to have to be a miracle when I return! Another miracle of loaves and fishes - the disappearing and reappearing act of a bread spread!

Twenty days later on my revisit to the exact spot and looking out over the lake - right at the spot where the bread landed was a dead rotting carp.

Maybe this is how it returns after many days - in a poisoned fish's belly! There are some scriptures that are just too deep to understand, let alone take literally. I suppose a metaphor could be if you don't understand the scripture – let it lie in the deep – one day the penny may drop and enlighten your understanding.

Things to be noted
1 Save yourself a long journey to feed fish – just feed the birds in your own back garden.

2 Don't take literally scriptures you don't understand, and if you do, you may not get the results that are hoped for.

3 Throw your bread into a fish-less pond but watch out for the ducks.

4 Give yourself a break from worthless pursuits.

Sorry George, I've missed the mark again but you set us a hard task – hope others have taken you seriously. Then again you may have got it wrong George – some things in the Word need treating like dead carp and left well alone!

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This article has been read 1395 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Rachel Phelps08/25/11
I love the humor in this piece. Even with the somewhat zany premise, the voice of your narrator was so matter-of-fact that the contrast was a delight. Well done.
Noel Mitaxa 08/26/11
You've had a lot of fun with this self-deprecating piece, and thanks for including us in it.
Sarah Elisabeth 08/26/11
"Don't take literally scriptures you don't understand, and if you do, you may not get the results that are hoped for."

lol, what a lesson in that! Enjoyed the voice in this story.
Laury Hubrich 08/26/11
What a hoot! You had me smiling the whole way:)
Virgil Youngblood 08/27/11
A fun read.
Danielle King 08/29/11
Really enjoyed this fun piece. Loved the voice throughout and you rounded it off well with the last paragraph. Great job for the topic!
Leola Ogle 08/29/11
This one kept me chuckling until the end. Well written! Thanks for sharing! God bless!
Lillian Rhoades 08/30/11
Original and unique format, but I had to dig a bit for the comedy and error aspect. But then my funny bone is somewhat underdeveloped.:-) I think the satirical flavor, and the theme of the piece bent closer to error than comedy...just my opinion.:-)
We can indeed over analyze or put to test the scriptures and, if it were possible, by doing so, strain the truth.

"But the TESTimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple..." Loved the title!
Verna Cole Mitchell 08/31/11
The first example was my favorite. Hard to beat such good advice for preventing nagging from a wife. (Gonna keep that little secret from my husband!)
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 09/07/11
Congratulations for ranking 10th in level 3!