Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  

Four Ways For A Christian Writer To Win A Publishing Package HERE



The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Breathe (08/19/10)

TITLE: Never Underestimate the Power of a Woman
By Kimberly Russell
08/25/10


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

Afraid of drawing unwanted attention, Rico Manetti slouched behind the steering wheel.
But his ratty car practically screamed, "Hey, I don't belong in this nice neighborhood," and discovery could happen any minute. Especially by the woman he had followed home from the pharmacy.

It didn't help that the car practically shuddered as stomach cramps made him squirm in agony. His nose dribbled non-stop and the infernal panting was about to make him pass out from lack of oxygen. It was nearly impossible to think with the roar of blood pounding in his ears. Rico was a mess.

The life of an addict.

He barely remembered arriving in "Small Town USA". The real name didn't matter as long as he was far from Detroit. It had been a good decision to distance himself from JJ and Rick who were probably still chasing their tails looking for him. And the dough he'd waltzed off with.

The idiots got what they deserved. They never listened to his ideas or recognized the fact that his steel-trap mind was the only thing that would save them from themselves. Yeah, those goons couldn't find their way out of paper bag without him. The potential for expansion of their drug trade was right in front of them but they too afraid to think out of the box. A slow smile spread across his face as he imagined their surprise at his defection.

Everything was lining up just fine except for the fact that he could feel the affects of the patch wearing off. It seemed he had just put a new one on. How many days had it been? He'd lost track but its usefulness was clearly exhausted. That was the problem with Fentanyl: When it started to go, it went quickly. Unfortunately, his stash was empty too.

He was in bad need of a fix.

Geez, he sounded like a druggie. The thought produced a shallow chuckle but was quickly dismissed. He might be a dealer, street thug, and "business man" but he was certainly not hooked. That was for the idiots he sold to. And Rico was far from stupid.

He couldn't even remember when he started to use but figured his customers shouldn't have all the fun. And it helped kill the pain. At least when he was high, he didn't have to think about his pathetic existence. Made things a lot easier to ignore.

No need to deal with crap as long as it could be shoved aside.

Rico pushed up and reached for the door handle as the woman finished hauling in her purchases, stopped at the mailbox labeled "Brannigan", and hurried inside, leaving the door ajar. He slipped ghostlike into the house, sure that he had been unobserved. With smug satisfaction, he gloated that his stealth mode talents had come through again and relief from agony was within his grasp. He crept up behind his victim as the adrenaline rushed in a high every bit as good as the object of his quest, anticipation building at a frenzied pace.

The woman jumped as he clapped a hand over her mouth while pressing a knife to her neck. She whimpered as lips brushed her ear and whispered, "Don't make a sound or I will slit your throat. Slide the patches over here, nice and easy. And if you're a very good girl, you won't get hurt."

She gasped for air, little puffs intertwined with his raspy breathing, joined in a fearful duet as she pulled the package near. In her haste, a coffee cup rattled to the floor, averting his attention for a split second.

That was all she needed.

The distraction allowed her to shift sideways, slip out of his grasp, and clutch the knife. In a poetic, fluid motion so beautifully coordinated it could have been set to music, the blade came to rest, firmly planted in his chest.

Rico let out a surprised grunt as he slumped over the counter in an attempt to stay upright. His eyes went wide as they fixed on the package like a lover longing for his soul mate. A shaky hand slid across the counter in a farewell caress but was stopped by the shimmering gold nametag that had been underneath the pharmacy bag, carelessly tossed on the counter the day before.


Sergeant April Brannigan
Bradley County Sheriff Department


With a defeated sigh, Rico breathed his last.


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 451 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Laury Hubrich 08/26/10
This is a realistic picture of an addict, I would think. I love your ending. It was a surprise.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 08/27/10
I was hooked from the beginning. The character seemed quite real, and I enjoyed the fact that he was too smart to get addicted. Your story showed that drugs don't discriminate , they can get the smart, the beautiful, and the wealthy just as easily as anyone else.
Sarah Heywood08/27/10
This was really good. I was feeling so sorry for the poor, unsuspecting woman, not knowing that she was more than capable of taking care of herself! I thought you portrayed the addict very well, too. Very nice writing!
Cheryl Harrison 08/30/10
Good job at suspense. You had me from the beginning. I appreciated the turn of events... that the female character was not victimized. Thanks.
Caitlyn Meissner09/01/10
The motive behind the crime had me a little puzzled (why did a police woman have patches?) but the ending was a real surprise. Thanks!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 09/02/10
Congratulations for placing in the top 15 of your level and in the top 40 overall.