The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/29/10
The cries of the MC seem so real. I can feel the pain. I can't imagine having the courage to kneel in a crowded lunchroom to pray, but it's amazing what happens when we listen to God.
08/04/10
I like the concept of this story a lot. I had a little trouble connecting to the MC because I wasn't sure of the age or gender of the person. The everyman aspect was nice, but I just had some trouble getting there.

Great story for this topic.
08/04/10
Oops! I did not mean to say gender, because I did have that. Sorry for the mixup!
08/04/10
A very candid approach to showing how as believers we should feel for the lost souls. These words come through in speaking how we ought to feel, "God you know the hurts and pains they have ... Touch them in a special way. Heal them inside and out ... Open their eyes." God bless you.
08/05/10
Your mc had a good, consistent first person voice. That's tough to do. She also had a courage I don't think I have. I could hear her inner struggles as well. The only suggestion I would make would be to break up a couple of your paragraphs into smaller ones, they were a little long. Overall, a good story.
08/05/10
Your mc had a good, consistent first person voice. That's tough to do. She also had a courage I don't think I have. I could hear her inner struggles as well. The only suggestion I would make would be to break up a couple of your paragraphs into smaller ones, they were a little long. Overall, a good story.