The Official Writing Challenge
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07/24/10
This teaches an important lesson and I can see it especially helpful as children's literature. Good writing!
07/26/10
This was a very nicely told story. The dialogue was realistic and the lesson came naturally. But I did have a bit of trouble pinning down Camden's age.
Shann, this is so very cute and the dialog so real. I could picture even the unspoken body gestures of the entire family throughout this along with Wrigley's adorable blue eyes as she searched her mother's face.
What a great message to adults and children alike. It was a very unique and gentle approach on such a needed topic.
A fun read with a great lesson.
07/27/10
What a great analogy to use. You should pursue publishing this one-- in a children's magazine perhaps.
07/27/10
This was a well-written story with strong, believable dialogue. You did a good job of capturing the mannerisms of the children. Great message too. Well done!
07/27/10
What an important topic to tackle - you did it in your usual gentle, wise style. I agree with the others that the dialogue came across in an authentic, unforced way. And boy, can I relate to the sibling bickering!!
07/28/10
Enjoyed the story - oh, dear I've been very prejudiced against onions and garlic for most of my life! Thanks for the fun read. Colin
07/28/10
I enjoyed the tomato trauma in the beginning. :) You've incorporated some great life-lessons in this. Nice work!
This is a really outstanding story. The family life is so real,I felt like I was right there in the living room...or was it sounding just like my own living room a loooonnnngggg time ago?
07/28/10
I didn't know Wrigley had a big brother! :-D
I think the analogy was a very good one, cleverly put.

A little critique: I wasn't sure whose point of view we were in. I think it was Wrigley's for the first part, then switched to Camden's. Also, when Wrigley "went into her brother’s room" he slammed the door in her face a few seconds later. He couldn't do that if she were IN the room. But I'm nit-picking and those are easily corrected :-)

I agree, the dialogue seemed very natural and welll paced. Good job!
07/28/10
Great story, and I agree with Carol: polish it up (Sarah Elisabeth had good ideas) an consider publishing it in a children's magazine. It's message is too important not to share more widely, and it is well-told.
I agree, with some polishing it would work wonderful for a submission to a childrens magazine. Even a script for a radio show like Adventures in Odyssey, that is really where it took me. Great job!
Awesome story! You gave a good message without being too preachy, and it was entertaining. You could even turn this into a skit for church easily.