The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/22/10
Oh! I do like this analogy-story illustrating the utter foolishness of thinking we are in control of our life and can go our own way. Marvelous descriptions really bring this to life. Good job!
Wow my heart was pounding throughout this entire rerad. you did such an excellent job of making the terror so real. I found myself wanting to hush the background noises because I was so into your story. The ending is one I hope we all can find and discover for ourselves. Excellent writing.
I was hooked from the beginning and absolutely enticed to rush through reading this (but I didn't) :)...to see what happened next. Great imagery, Great, Great message!
07/26/10
Well done! I could visually see all that you were describing. This was emotionally gut-wrenching but the ending was filled with life and hope.
07/26/10
I am lost for words! This is absolutely wonderful. Parable-truth with a soul piercing message. Just love the end.
07/26/10
Wonderful writing! I love the lesson that was presented here. Well done!
07/26/10
Very well done. I loved the symbolism, and the story was captivating.
07/26/10
Wow! Amazing writing! It drew me in like a mirage -- wondering what was real and what wasn't.

I love your description of the taste of various sins. I never would have thought of that! Rusty selfishness, chalky hatred ... what creative and insightful wording!

And then the living water. Perfect ending! This piece vividly portrays the deathly desert that people suffer through when they choose to run from God. And yet He still pursues them gently and offers them life.

Thumbs up!
07/26/10
This is, in my opinion, the BEST I have read of your entries. The entire layout preaches the truth. I trust this will do very well with the judges.
Wow!! What a story, and what a lesson.
07/28/10
Powerful and full of truth. Love that the sand was not washed out but dissolved. Great touch.
07/28/10
You have wonderful imagery. (You put this reader in the desert.) I was longing to get water for your MC. Your ending is beautiful!
After reading your plea to be honest, I came back and read it again. I still think it's wonderful. The message is loud and clear. The only comment I could even think of is in the mid to end you used the word taste over a few times, but I think that was to pound home your point, and you changed the adjective before it so that kept it fresh. I still think it's about as close to perfect as one can get. I love the message and the way you delivered it.
07/28/10
Absolutely wonderful writing! The phrase which gripped me early on was "I was't promised death! I was promised--". It speaks eloquently of what pleasures sin promises, and never mentions the "end" which is death. You nailed this one. The ending was perfect; the imagery of the overwhelming love of God bringing the water of life--just awesome.
07/28/10
Excellent writing and intense in every respect. I like the way you contrast between the poisonous water and the living water. A compelling message put across very well.