The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 1082 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Your first line grabbed me so hard I think I might have whiplash. This was beautiful. I life the soft tone of it, filled with beautiful turns of phrases, much like its object.

I'm sure you've seen it by now, but the one stanza has some "translation" issues (evil computer monkeys).

Overall, I really liked this! Well done. It's not often I stop to comment only moments after a topic's release, but this warranted one from me. (I'm usually doing a quick browse to see which ones I want to come back to when I have more time. Nice job distracting me.)
I love the tone of this, and the imagery... Beautiful poem!
06/11/10
Some beautiful images in this poem. Good job.
The words gave me chills. I think my brain is tired because I found myself rereading lines. The emotions were so intense.

I noticed a tiny editing error near the end you used their instead of they're, but that is easily fixed.

You did a great job with the details. I could actually hear the sounds you described.
Captivating.
06/17/10
I could hear the music in your poem. The soft sounds of violins and flutes and temponi (sp?). The music rises and swells and is filled with trombone and sax when the old lady shows up on the scene only to once again return to the softer sounds as it concludes. Beautiful words, lovely flow, visually effective and emotionally stimulating. It doesn't get any better than this.
06/17/10
Congratulations on your 2nd place win! As always I love the rich images and music of your words.
Thoroughly enjoyable. There was a sense of 'the old world' about this. For me it conjured up images of an ancient library with its smells and echoing silence. A place where a computer would be totally out of place. Tall ladders reaching to the tallest of shelves.

Congratulations on your 2nd place win, well done, Jim.
06/17/10
Vintage Jim, done so very well. How deep you dive to pull those thoughts to the surface! Exquisite.

mona