The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
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Date
Wow this really touched me. You did an outstanding job on all of your characters.
04/18/10
You've written a gripping story. I admire those like Jon and Marisa who choose to not give up. Your ending shines with hope.
04/19/10
A real struggle, external and internal. Written with passion.
If I could say something constructive...work on your sentence structure. Sometimes, plain and simple are best and less confusing.
Enjoyed it.

Mona
04/19/10
It seems that Jon used the mightiest pen of all to write the word "Love" in her heart. This showed some powerful emotion. Good writing.
Very good story. All that grief bottled up turned to rage, but love brought it out so that healing could begin. Your entry is so real and true. Well-done.
Good job with the emotion and with your characters
04/20/10
Very moving Message!

I agree with Mona concerning your sentence structure, unless you were intentional in keeping with a sixteen-year old voice?

Jon is a man after my own heart.

Good job.
Wow, I loved the characters too. This brought tears to my eyes. Keep writing.
You brought through the girl's confusion and inner conflict extremely well!
:rubs head from tossed brick encounter:

I like the story as a whole, but definitely it could use some editing w/ the sentences, MC voice- things like that. Something maybe having a buddy to read through beforehand might help with? (I'm willing if you'd like.)

I'm not sure how on-topic it was but the story itself was compelling and kept my attention.

Keep up the good work, and keep on writing!

:extends bandaid for painful red stuff:
04/23/10
Karlene, congrats on placing in the top fifteen in Advanced!
06/04/10
I loved the voice of this MC, so raw and genuine. The ending was great - super fast paced, a little unexpected and not wrapped up in a tidy bow. This plot has got some serious potential for expansion (hee hee, plot, got... am I a poet or what? NOT)