Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Hmph! (03/04/10)
-
TITLE: A Cold World | Previous Challenge Entry
By Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom
03/11/10 -
LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
ADD TO MY FAVORITES
She had the epiphany that Wrigley was her name. Wrigley thought for a minute and decided at it fit her perfectly. Her vision was starting to clear up, but as her eyes focused it seemed her mind became foggy.
Just a few short moments ago, she had been floating around in warm fluid. Her mind was sharp. Wrigley didn’t doubt anything then. She knew all of the answers. Now it seemed like the whole world was just one big question. Why was her mind getting all fuzzy? She ached to travel back to when she could easily chat with God.
Sure it was wet and smelly, but it was there she knew what life was about. Now uncertainty gripped at her heart. Wrigley longed to travel back a week into the past. Back to a time when she was not too cold, back to a place where swaying was comforting. She wanted to hear the humph-thump, humph-thump, humph-thump that had echoed in her ears for the last several months.
She strained to lift her neck, to get a glance of this new world she had entered. The lights were so bright. ”My goodness, that person had huge hands. How does she manage to hold onto anything with fingers that big?” wondered Wrigley as she looked at her own petite hands. “Hey what happened to my snuggly? I loved that squishy rope; it was my connection to Utopia. I loved hearing the humph-thump while simultaneously feeling the humph-thump pulsate through my fingers. Why would anyone dispose of my priceless snuggly?”
She felt the giant hands scrubbing her face, “Phew that feels better without that gunk sticking to me.” The hands wrapped her up in a scratchy blanket. “Ah, the good old days when I didn’t need this horrid blanket to keep me warm. There has to be a way to get back.” Wrigley vowed to work on a way back to the comforts of her former world, back to her wonderful humph-thump sound, but right now she was too tired to contemplate an exodus. For now she’d be content with the abrasive blanket, her fist in her mouth, and some well- needed sleep.
Wrigley was rudely jostled awake. Her heart soared as she heard the wonderful sound she had been longing for: Humph! But wait, something was wrong; she only heard humph, it wasn’t complete without the thump. What was going on? As she struggled to open her eyes she noticed those giant hands again. There were two strangers looking down at her. Then she heard it again, “Humph,” followed by, “Isn’t that the ugliest baby?”
The second lady chuckled in agreement,”That one has a face only a mother could love. I’ve worked in the nursery for 20 years, and almost every baby looked like it could be related to ET. Humph, look at that thatch of red hair!”
“Her momma just came up from the operating room and is anxious to get a look at her. Humph, think she’ll think she’s unsightly?”
“No way, she’ll coo and fuss and tell her she’s the prettiest baby in the world. There’s hope for her though, my grandma used to say ‘Ugly at the cradle, pretty at the table.’ Well come on Wrigley- Wrigley, did you ever hear of such a name? This one is going to be teased for sure; let’s go meet your mother.”
Wrigley was wide awake. She started screaming at the top of her lungs. What on earth had she gotten herself into? She’d have to find a way back to her delightful warm pool with the nice humph-thump. She didn’t like this place at all. Nobody was familiar, and she hated that horrible humph sound they made.
Once again the giant hands lifted her up. They roughly plopped her down in the softest arms ever. Wrigley instantly quieted, this seemed familiar, nice. Mommy held her close and started to feed her. Wrigley instinctively started suckling. This tasted delightful. Maybe this world wouldn’t be too bad after all. Then as she snuggled closer against Mommy’s chest, she heard it. It was beautiful: Humph-thump, Humph-thump
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
Would like to have seen the newborn with more of a positive attitude, though, since birth's are such a joyous occasion and perhaps the nurses finding the cuter aspects of Wrigley :)
Technically speaking, I felt that in a couple of places you had attributions that interrupted the flow of your monologues. For example "wondered Wrigley as she looked at her own petite hands" I would have dumped the attribution.
But, hey, you're getting there. Don't let anything or anyone discourage you!
Gregory
Years ago, for a creative writing class, I did a piece very very similar to this, and it was a traumatic experience for the baby.
Makes one wonder how soon a child believes that she is ugly and unlovable.