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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Huh? (01/21/10)

TITLE: When Blood Flows
By dub W
01/26/10


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The Police Detective motioned toward the door and Nan picked up her briefcase and began walking with his urging hand on her back. “Oh, oh, oh.”

“Huh?” The officer stopped at Nan’s words.

“The blood, the blood. Don’t you see?” She turned quickly and headed back into the room where two uniformed police officers and another detective were squatting next to a gun shot victim’s body. Nan, was a reporter for the Herald Bagatelle, a local competing Newspaper in New Orleans. After venturing into the scene she was escorted out of the room by the detective walking at her side.

“See what?” The young detective turned and rushed to catch up with Nan.

Nan crossed the threshold of the tiny office and was about to come near the victim when a police officer caught her arm.

“Let me go, look.” Nan pointed at the blood flowing across the floor.

“It’s blood.” The uniformed officer tightened the grip on her arm.

“Yes, yes, it’s blood, but it’s moving. Call the EMTs, Otis is alive.”

The swatting detective put two fingers the victim’s throat. “She’s right, there’s a slight pulse. It wasn’t there while ago.”

The detective with Nan quickly dialed his cell phone. “Forget the coroner, get EMTs here fast.”

Nan gave another pull on the officer’s grip. “Let me go, please.”

“Nope.”

“Aw, come on, I won’t move,” she tried her sad face, but the officer looked at the detective standing with them and Nan guessed the detective shook his head no.

“Nope, I think they still want you to go down town.”

“But, at least let me pray for Otis.” Nan begged.

The policeman adjusted his grip. “Pray here.”

Nan dipped her chin. “Lord, the man in pain before me, lay your hand of grace upon him. I pray that you would give him another day, another moment to know you, to know your love and heading power. Precious savior help Otis in his time of need. Thank you Jesus.” The officer’s grip softened. “In Christ’s Holy name I pray.” Amen.

The officer whispered, “amen.”

The uniformed officer next to Otis knelt and spoke directly in his ear. “Who did this to you?”

Otis didn’t respond. The detective picked up Otis’s weathered hand. "I think his hand feels warmer."

Nan noted that there were no adornments to the hand or wrist. Days of living on the street made his skin appear to be a chalky color.

Minutes later the EMT’s rushed into the room and took over attending to Otis.

The kneeling detective walked up to Nan. “Ma’am, it’s a good thing you noticed the moving blood. When we got here he wasn’t breathing and I couldn’t find a pulse.”

“Understandable.” Nan figured it was better to act consolatory.

The detective nodded over his shoulder. “If we can get him well enough to say something we will have a case and you will have a bit more of a story to follow.”

“Well, I hate for Otis, but that will be nice to have an easy story. I really wasn’t looking forward to looking at books of pictures.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” he chuckled. “You will still get to look at the pictures.”

A gurney pushed past the two detectives and Nan. Then with the help of the other uniformed officer the two EMT’s moved Otis to a back board before lifting him onto the rolling bed.

When they raised the stretcher to roll it out Nan touched Otis’s foot. “I’ll pray for you.”

A soiled finger extended from the bed and seemed to point at Nan.

The detective stared at Nan. “I think he is indicating you.” He moved closer to Nan. “I asked him if he knew who shot him, and now he is pointing at you.”

“Miss Machow. I think we better go down town indeed. We better find out what you were doing down here so fast. Maybe he is saying you did this to him.”

Nan jerked her head around. “Huh?”


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This article has been read 498 times
Member Comments
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Sara Harricharan 01/28/10
Oooh, mysterious ending. Did she do it? I would hope not, at least not after she prayed for him, unless of course, there was a reason and then she couldn't just let him die like that and ooh...I'm a mystery buff. I wanna know what happened! Good story and nice details with the different officers, it's hard to put so much in so few words.
Marita Vandertogt01/28/10
I agree. Great story, and the character development happens quite quickly which is hard to do in so few words. This reads like a novel - wish I could turn to the next page and keep reading!
Carol Penhorwood 01/29/10
Very intriguing! Isn't this a continuation of a previous story? I still want to hear more!
Bryan Ridenour02/01/10
Intriguing...Mysterious...Left me wanting to know more. Well done!
Tessy Fuller02/01/10
Way to leave us hanging... I liked the mysterious nature. It read well and I could feel the suspense building with each line.
Lollie Hofer 02/01/10
Ooooh, a mystery and a entertaining one too. Good job with the character development and plot line.
Sarah Elisabeth 02/01/10
oooh, I wanna turn a page too! Love mysteries
Jackie Wilson02/01/10
This had a strange, surreal feel to it, felt like one piece of a giant puzzle. Interesting, different.
Beth LaBuff 02/01/10
Clever mystery writing. This has shades of "The Fugitive" in your ending.
Carol Slider 02/01/10
Hmmm... interesting. I love mysteries, so I'm really intrigued by this. There's obviously a lot going on, emotionally and otherwise. I agree with everyone else... I want a sequel!
Dr. Sharon Schuetz02/01/10
Well done. Do you have a finish? Don't leave us hanging.
Kate Oliver Webb02/02/10
I really liked this, really!! Great dialog, excellent build to the cliff-hanger. You've got a tremendous talent, and I pray God will bless and increase it. And...what DOES happen next??
Patricia Herchenroether02/03/10
Great page 1. I wanna see the rest!
Glynis Becker 02/03/10
I can just hear the music swelling behind that ominous ending...when do we get to read what happens next? Caught my attention right away and the dialogue was smooth and natural. Great entry.
Loren T. Lowery02/03/10
You are so effective in this genre or writing. I found the piece very engaging and wanted to follow along with a longer storyline.
Lyn Churchyard02/03/10
Another great episode Dub, well done.
c clemons02/05/10
I love a good mystery, this one has some good elements but still has some rough edges. I'm hoping that if the story continues it will get better.