The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 555 times
Member Comments
How fortunate you were, to be included as a 16-year-old in this retirement excursion! You have given this reader an enlightened view, chock-full of delight in your memories.

Other than a few missing and/or misplaced possesive apostrophes as well as a comma or two, and that I think the state's name should be spelled out, this is a creatively well written personal narrative.
I felt that the word count limited this piece because at end there was a rush to include everything, which could have gone a little longer. Overall good writing.
This was an enjoyable read. I'm sure that this must have been a fun adventure. If you are like me, though, at 16 you probably didn't appreciate the experience as much as you appreciated it years later. My only advice would be to make sure that you carefully proofread your writing next time. You have a few puncuation marks that aren't quite right.
What a remarkable journey... I can't imagine spending that kind of time in a mobile home. I was a little bit thrown by the snow in the northeast until I re-read the part that said the trip started in January.