Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  



The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Light and Dark (05/21/09)

TITLE: Dark Prison
By Pamela Kliewer
05/23/09


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

Day 1

I push against the walls of my self-made prison, desperate to be free. Nothing happens. I push again. Still, nothing. Thatís enough trying for today. Iím exhausted. Maybe things will be better tomorrow.

Day 2

I open my eyes. Itís so dark in here. The darkness is unsettling, frightening. Before I got into this prison I could see fine. Everything was full of light. The colors I saw on my journeys were amazing. But now, all is as dark as the black rock I once climbed over. I had never seen anything so black, and now here I am enveloped in it. How will I ever get out of here? Pushing a little against the sides, I feel nothing. No yielding at all of the walls around me. I strain a little. The effort drains me. Iíll just rest for awhile. When I awake, who knows how much laterÖ I am startled to find Iím still in total darkness. Panic begins to rise within me. I try to calm myself down by thinking of the sights I saw beforeÖ beforeÖ this awful dark surrounded me. Why did I have to do this? Feeling defeated, I fall asleep.

Day 3

Still dark. I feel like Iím suffocating. Never have I felt so alone. SoÖ trapped. Not much to sayÖ

Day 4

Dark. Unrelenting darkÖ oh why? I am beginning to hate it in this jail. Sure, I made it, but I detest it. Iím still wondering why I ever made this prison.

Day 5.

I feel empty, alone, crippled.

Day 6

Itís closing in. Pushing at me. I donít know how much more of this I can take. Iím panicking more often now. Is there any hope for my release?

Day 7

Nothing has changed, so, I have nothing noteworthy to say.

Day 8

Dark. Panic. Alone. Empty. Crippled.

Day 9

I donít know how much longer I can take this agony. Would someone please help me?


Day 10

Something is happening! I feel my self-made prison loosening around me. For the first time in days, I can move more freely. Whatís going on? Oh! This is exhilarating, yet frightening at the same time. Maybe I should stay here. I donít feel right. Iíve never felt this way before. OhÖ but the light. I see some light! For the first time in days, I actually see a glimpse of light. I have to see whatís out there.

I wiggle. I squirm. The self-made prison loosens even more. Oh! I can poke my head out nowÖ oh, wow. This is incredible.

Suddenly I burst free. What? I can fly? I was always envious when I saw the beautiful butterflies, because all I could do was scoot along on the ground. I look to my right. I look to my left. Oh my. I have beautiful wings. Just look at those colors!

Iím so worn out. I better rest on this leaf. My wings feel damp from the stickiness of my prison. I better let them dry out before I attempt any more flying.


Day 11

I have been flying from flower to flower all day. The scents are intoxicating, the nectar luscious.

TheÖ joy, the freedom, the elationÖ wow! Everything is new and glorious and I canít get enough. Me, a butterfly. Who knew that I could enter into a prison of total darkness and emerge into the light so changed? From a creature making my way in life on my belly, to this? Floating on the breezes, basking in the sunlight. Remarkable. Truly remarkable. I lift my wings in praise to my Creator.


1 Corinthians 5:17 (MKJV) So that if any one is in Christ, that one is a new creature; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 534 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Patricia Herchenroether05/28/09
The whole metamorphosis is indeed a miracle from God. A nice entry and if Butterflies could think, I'll bet right on target!
Jan Ackerson 05/29/09
Very nice POV--I enjoyed it both literally and metaphorically.

Purely from a mechanical standpoint, I wonder if it'd be easier on the eyes with the headings in bold and the text in regular print?

Beautiful writing, and I really felt your narrator's joy at the end.
Melinda Wells06/03/09
Excellent metaphore. Thank you for sharing, I really enjoyed reading it!
Bryan Ridenour06/03/09
Great entry. You had me wondering for a while, what or who was imprisoned. Caterpillar to butterfly, great use of topic. Nicely done!
Colin Swann06/03/09
Thankyou for sharing the transformation that God can make in our lives. An interesting and unique way of portraying this. Thanks! - Colin
Carol Slider 06/03/09
Beautiful! I'm surprised I didn't guess this until the very end. Well done.
Sara Harricharan 06/03/09
LOVELY! I'm glad this wasn't another description of the classic baby being born. You took something old and used and made it into something amazing. The butterfly POV was simply wonderful! A great read!
Lollie Hofer 06/03/09
You did a remarkable job capturing both sets of emotions. Initially, I could feel your MC's pain and then her joy when she was released from the darkness. Well done!
Mona Purvis06/03/09
Just wonderful. I didn't know "what" until near the end. Loved the POV.
Mona
Catrina Bradley 06/03/09
So different! Creative! Unique! I thoroughly enjoyed this creation. :)
Chely Roach06/03/09
So creative and lovely. Well done!
Myrna Noyes06/04/09
Pamela, this is a wonderful piece! As I read it, I was wondering what kind of prison this person had made for themselves, and I was surprised when I finally learned the answer! Great writing and an inspiring message for all of us! :) Congrats on placing so high in the top 40 and in Advanced!