This is the dirt on my Cousin Bert
Who’s forever chasing a bit of skirt.
One day he met a girl called Gert
Who was herself a flighty flirt.
This put our Bert on full alert
And off he sped at quite a spurt.
My Cousin Chad is nearly as bad
And during his youth was a ‘Jack the Lad’.
Now getting older by a tad
He’s not so much a silly cad.
Still he makes our family sad
By, now and then, still acting mad.
Our Cousin Perce was a lot, lot worse
Who furtively sneaked up and nicked my purse.
When I accused him he was terse
And forced me into quick reverse.
Naughty actions became his curse
And off he went in one black hearse.
He’s on the take is my Cousin Jake
Who we tolerate for his mother’s sake.
So if a fortune he could make
He’d sell us all a costly fake.
Always as crafty as a snake
He caused his mother’s heart to break.
It is fortunate to come to Jill
With our reputation fast going downhill.
She possesses all the smart skill
To thwart the loss of all goodwill.
She brought about the need to kill
The neighbor’s chatter to a nil.
The one who knows is my Cousin Rose
She sniffed things out with her detective nose.
Then she endeavored to expose
So as to bring things to a close.
In the open it surely shows
They’ve settled to a sweet repose.
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