The Official Writing Challenge
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03/07/08
Ouch... I have 3 little ones and I totally understand what she went through that day! Nice descriptions!
03/07/08
I love the contrast between your opening sentence and your ending one. What a mismatch indeed!
03/11/08
What a day! As I read this, I kept wondering what else could go wrong. You forgot a period in one of the middle paragraphs. Otherwise, this is a good story.
03/11/08
Spared injury or worse! Thank God. Small red-ink: Meeko's name is mis-spelled once as 'Mekko'...unless that was a mismatch on purpose...?!
03/11/08
This is well-written - good descriptions and the story flows. Red Ink on the topic (since you asked): Neither the cloud nor the lining is really clear. If the fire is the "cloud", then I see the lining as a new outlook on life. However, you've placed more emphasis on the whole day of disaster, which she blames on her niece, to which no silver lining is clear.
The opening sentence is a great attention getter, and the voice is natural. The ending shows hope and I like how it ties back into the beginning of her "rant". :) Cat
Your title was really good and your first line was one of the best I've read this week. Good stuff. Thanks for sharing.
03/12/08
Loved your description of Meeko. I think I know her. :)
I really like your story. We've all had days like that. It's nice when we choose to see our small blessings. One thing though, Did Meeko really turn her paperworkd into oragami? I thought this didn't seemed unrealistic. And is this the same neatly stacked paperwork that burned later? I only mentioned this small thing because you asked for red ink. Well done. You kept my interest from the first sentence.
So many details rang true to me. I could have been your MC. My red ink would be 1. getting to the frog answer earlier 2. a more thankful realization of her silver lining. Other than that, you go girl!
03/12/08
Superb hook, and I see the silver lining. Meeko and the narrator are both wonderful characters. My only red ink would be the title--not particularly compelling. Otherwise, this one's great!
03/12/08
I enjoyed this well written piece. I printed it and put "Yes" in red ink in several places, enjoying the writing as I read. Great opening line, great italicized paragraph, great one word sentence, great "kids meal...sanity" line. Thanks.
I love to read your entries. I think you have one of the freshest voices here.
Just a bit of red ink: One teeny grammatical thing is a missing period after the word "find" in the following excerpt.

"She loves frogs, birds and rearranging whatever her busy fingers can find My neatly organized stacks of paperwork..."

Also, I agree with what someone else said about dwelling on the negative, or dark cloud. I would have liked to see a brighter silver lining.

Really, though, it's hard to find too much wrong with this. You've written another unique and enjoyable piece. I believe you have a future in writing.
03/12/08
Very descriptive, especially of the "creative" walking disaster child. Who is that way because all the adults say, "that's alright Meeko"(just a side note). I would have liked more of the silver lining also, we were left with just a glimmer of hope, which could be taken away almost immediately if she has to babysit Mekko again.
03/12/08
I LOVE the beginning - and the characterization as well. Meeko is quite a character. Enjoyed this - though, like some of the others, I would have liked some silver lining on Meeko, but you only have so many words!
03/12/08
I absolutely love this voice!! What a way to find the silver lining--and what a day! I loved the frog...great job.
I thought it was great. You're so descriptive- you make each scene come alive. I was completely captivated and I fell in love with Meeko. Nice work, to say the least.
Silver lining? I think I found this at it's one of my favorites: Lamentations 3:23 “God’s blessing are renewed each morning – great is His
faithfulness.”
And, I wish Meeko had been allowed to say why she brought the frog inside, I think it was because she felt it was cold and lonely, which says a lot about her. And finally, the inner turmoil of your MC was so real. You did a great job of identifying the emotions of what many readers go through in just such a situation. Great job - keep up the good work. Loren
03/15/08
Finally I have time to comment on last week's entry. The others have said what I was thinking. You really bring a reader in with the everyday nuances and not so ordinary frustrations but typical being around children. I loved the change that took place in her attitude and outlook in such a short time. Love your entries... always fresh and different.