The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/07/08
I just love the beginning and end of this - almost poetic in its phrasing. So visual.

There were a few places where it looks like you might have accidentally cut out an extra word or two - it didn't flow just right. I hate when I do that.

Excellent job with characterization too - this blessed me.

This was a beautiful story. I love the wisdom in the young girl, how she changed everyone's heart through just being herself. Well done and bravo.
This was a creative take on the topic and well done! I liked the voice, it read well and true to my ears. As someone also comments, it was almost poetic!
02/11/08
Lovely, and written with a wonderful voice.

A few comma faults--mostly unnecessary commas that interfere with the flow of this otherwise perfect and lyrical story.
I like the uplifting message of this story, and how it demonstrates that one person sharing hope can make a bigt difference.
You probably skated a bit close to the proverb with a couple of uses of "company."
02/11/08
Very nice. I love the descriptions / characterizations, especially. An creative and interesting take on the subject.
I liked the lyrical voice in which this writting taught a valuable lesson. It causes us to look inside, not outside and not be quick to judge. It teaches us how our pain can sometimes blind us to the good that God has brought into our lives. Great story and writing!
You're a very good writer, you know. This piece has wonderful descriptions and a distinct voice. Well done.
02/13/08
I loved your description at the beginning and I just wanted to know more and more about what happened.
This has a soothing, mystical quality about it. I enjoyed it very much.
02/13/08
Story was good, the first line was great. Well done, and I'd like to meet this person!
Well you just can't stop there you know! This demands more. Well written, I loved it. We have an unconventional lady in our church... complete with tattoos, wild clothes and red hair. LOL she doesn't teach music, she teaches line dancing. This story made me look at her differently. Thank you for that.