The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/02/08
Ooooh - this is masterfully creepy and haunting. You absolutely sent chills up my spine. You have an absolute gift for insinuating what is going on without telling. I could learn a lot from you. Absolutely excellent.
Chilling. What more can I say.
02/04/08
Oh, how frightening that her parents are so blind!!! And I'd have to agree with the other comment--your ability to foreshadow evil without actually getting down to details is enviable. This story drew me in right away and scared me. It captured the feel of a cult, too.
Yes, this was brilliant and very chilling. Well done.
You exposed the dynamics of cult recruitment expertly. Good writing!
Wow. I see why Joanne picked this, I think we may see a placement here as well. So sad and so real. Especailly loved the last line. Keep up the good words.
02/05/08
Wow, this is powerful! Excellent writing, bringing us right into this poor girl's heart.
02/06/08
Excellent writing. You really captured her fear. Good explanation of how some get lured into cults. Great example of the topic.
02/06/08
Wow! This one reads like a chapter from a novel. Excellent writing....but a scary story!
This is so haunting and sad. You draw your reader into the emotions. Excellent!
Well, "Father" is a real creep, to put it bluntly. Very well told, and your point was well made. You did a great job with this.
02/06/08
Such an emotionally stirring story. Well written. Right on topic.
02/06/08
This gave me chills. I like the way you went from larger paragraphs to one lines. You somehow managed to pack a lot of emotion in a short amount of time. Great job.
02/06/08
Your last line is really powerful. It adds to the haunting feel of this piece. I was with her, wishing that it wouldn't come out to be a fraud, but it did. You made me care about her and especially connect, knowing how difficult it is to be the middle child. Excellent writing! ^_^
I don't think there can be a finer example of the importance of family than what you have just written.
Your writing was tight and suspensful, leading to an unexpected but believable ending.
What a sad, sad story presented perfectly. You hit the topic exactly.
02/06/08
Wow! What great writing! I was immediately drawn in. Wonderful job!
Laury
02/06/08
Creepy, but good.

This is 'real' writing - I am so glad to see us as Christians not always have sappy sweet stories with happy endings.
02/06/08
Very good writing -- and a very strong message. The POV voice is perfect. Excellent example of the topic.
02/06/08
Great suspense elements in this story. It has just the right kind of ominous background without being too obvious that something evil is about to happen.
Very well written. I felt the fear like I was there, about to be led into the room. You did a great job putting the reader "there." This is very creepy and very powerful. It's also a good message for us parents to give our children the attention they need and deserve. Bravo.
02/08/08
Congratulations on a well-deserved 3rd place!!!! :)