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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Illustrate the meaning of “All that Glitters is Not Gold” (without using the actual phrase or literal example). (01/24/08)

TITLE: The Flute Mistress
By Sara Harricharan
01/28/08


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I would do anything to play like her. When she played the flute, the heavens listened. She was that good.

Delicious shivers tickled my toes and danced up to my chin as I lay awake from sheer excitement.

Sonoea Machuki, the most talented to ever grace a flute. She had volunteered to tutor a class of no more than eight students.

I was one of them.

How my music teachers had chosen me, was the product of a miracle and weeks of dedicated practice.

The big morning came and I could barely stand still long enough for Mother’s obligatory good luck speech.

I swallowed my fears and tipped my chin upwards. I had a gift too. I wouldn’t need luck.

Not with Sonoea as my teacher. She’d probably share a few of her precious secrets and then play something, a song or two to inspire us.

“Amisha Randolph for Miss Machuki’s flute class.” I told the receptionist, relieved that my voice hadn’t wobbled.

The receptionist gave me a look of pity. “Second door to your left down the hall where that boy in green just went in.” She pointed and smiled. “Good luck, hon.”

I wanted to tell her I didn’t need luck. Not with Sonoea as my teacher, but my mouth stubbornly refused to let me be rude.

Instead, it curved upwards in a smile and said thank you, in a polite voice as my feet started off in the direction she’d pointed.

My feelings pushed and shoved their way to the surface as my fingers hovered over the doorknob.

I closed my eyes for the briefest of moments and whispered a prayer.

A wave of warmth washed over me and I opened my eyes and stared into frosted, salad-green, eagle-eyes.

“Miss Randolph?” Her voice was clipped and serious.

“Yes?” My voice squeaked out as my mind registered the speaker’s identity.

“If you don’t mind, we’re waiting.” Sonoea gestured towards a large, empty theater. On stage, there were two empty seats.

I swallowed. “Sorry.”

She sniffed. “Time is of the utmost importance, Miss Rudolph.” Her brisk way hurried me along. “See that you are not late for the remaining sessions.”

Her disapproval settled on me like a weight I couldn’t carry. I wanted to tell her that I’d do my best, that I’d do anything to be like her, but my lips fused together as I slid into my seat and stared at the ground.

Her grating cough brought me to my senses to see that I was the only one not holding my flute.

Nervous fingers fluttered on the clasps and a moments later I held my precious instrument.

Sonoea had me play an opening piece.

I have never played so badly before an audience.

Even the fellow across from me winced at the wrong notes.

I only wished that I’d let my hair down to hide my burning cheeks. After all these years of music lessons, in the midst of my only heroine, I’d done my absolute worst.

She didn’t say a word. I almost wished she’d say something, but she pressed her lips together and looked away for a long moment.

When she looked back, she focused on the girl next to me.

The class dragged through in a muddle I couldn’t decode. I was the first one up when she announced our dismissal. The bathroom was my only destination.

Until I realized I’d forgotten to grab my flute.

Paralytic pains seized my stomach. I forced my feet to change course and hurry to the dreaded theater.

My flute lay at the edge of the stage near my chair. I made a beeline towards it.

“The Randolph girl? She was the worst one!” Sonoea’s voice echoed on stage. “Remind me to strangle that incompetent press agent! Teaching a handful of wannabes.” She snorted. “If they had a shred of talent-I wouldn’t mind much.” A few half-notes sounded through the air. “They will never reach my level. They haven’t got the heart for it.”

Her words slipped into the puddle of anger I’d overstepped earlier. It boiled and brewed for a moment. This time, I found my voice.

I cleared my throat and climbed onto the stage. The sound of my footsteps drew their attention and before they could speak, I did. “I would have given anything. Anything, to be like you, Miss Machuki.” Her face had the decency to flare an icy pink. “I only wish you were worthy of such praise.”

Copyright 2008


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This article has been read 1613 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Joanne Sher 02/02/08
Great dialog especially. Glad the MC found her voice. That teacher certainly needed to hear what she had to say.
Joy Faire Stewart02/05/08
You have a talent for conveying emotions. I could feel Amisha's sorrow and disappointment. The ending was excellent.
K. J. Cash02/05/08
I see a lot of talent here and creativity here. You drew me into the story. Just something to consider: it is written in first person with the child telling her own story. This might have been the same thing that drew me in, but I'm not sure that even gifted kids think in terms of, for example, clipped and serious.

Her voice was so grown up. I have oldest daughters who are miniature adults, but they still slip up and use a wrong word and keep right on going just like they know it all. They also make logical connections in their mind that result in the most bizarre of conclusions.
LauraLee Shaw02/06/08
I love the way you describe the setting in your story. YOu have a way of putting me there. I loved this part:
Her face had the decency to flare an icy pink. “I only wish you were worthy of such praise.”
HOw convicting...that I could be worthy of the praise others claim of me. Yikes. Great piece on the topic.
Jan Ackerson 02/06/08
Very good, especially with voice and pacing.
Holly Westefeld02/06/08
I love your vivid language, and, after a couple of readings, am guessing that your MC is in her late teens, which would lend credibility to her vocabulary. Perhaps a more direct clue to her age would have been helpful.
You did a great job in communicating the transition of her perspective on the "mistress".
My favorite description was:
"Delicious shivers tickled my toes and danced up to my chin as I lay awake from sheer excitement."
Laury Hubrich 02/06/08
Whoa! Glad the girl let the woman have it! Very good writing!
Laury
Rita Garcia02/06/08
Creative and superb story!
Beckie Stewart02/06/08
Wow, that is good. A reminder that pride can destroy the beauty of anything we do or are. Beauty is on the inside indeed.
Loren T. Lowery02/06/08
Bravo for Miss Randolph for saying what she did. Several good lesson going on here, and not just for flutes. I especially liked how you brought out the importance of practice and gifting being tied together. Then of course a bit of good luck never hurt any of us.
Karen Wilber 02/06/08
Go, girl!! (Yeah, I liked the ending.)
I loved the sharp transition in the middle when she meets Sonoea. The difference in tone was like a splash of ice cold water - attention getting and chilling.
Verna Cole Mitchell 02/06/08
It's so disappointing, isn't it, when your find your golden idol only glitters for the crowd? You showed this so well, and I'm glad you gave some backbone to your md.
Sheri Gordon02/06/08
Loved the voice. This is a really good illustration of the proverb. Nice job.
william price02/06/08
You just kept me reading and reading and enjoying and enjoying. I love stories about musicians. Great job. God bless.
Pat Guy 02/06/08
You put us there and through every emotion. I could almost fel my own cheeks blush. Wonderful writing.
Debbie Wistrom02/07/08
Yeah for Amisha! Great feeling and descriptions here, a very well deserved win!
LauraLee Shaw02/08/08
Congratulations on 2nd place! :)
Catrina Bradley 02/12/08
Congrats! I really enjoyed this.
:) Cat